Humour

Crazy flatmates

There’s this joke that I heard a long time ago:
“1 in every 4 people has a mental illness; check out your 3 best mates, if it’s none of them, you’re probably the one!”

Working in the mental health field, I’m a bit uncertain about that statistic but each and every one of us has our mental health problems; the difference is that it may not always be clinical. The point of this post is not to talk about mental health though. I remember having a chat with a friend some years ago about how there appeared to be too many people on the residences on-campus that had ‘mental health problems’. There always were some nutters, and I say this in the nicest way possible — I do not mean any disrespect to people with actual clinical mental health problems.

Anyway, I have had the ‘privilege’ of having some real out-there flatmates myself over the years here in Australia.

E: This was a girl renting a room in the first place that I lived. She wasn’t exactly nuts, but she was the kind that did not engage much in conversation and if she did, it was to criticise. “How come you don’t have a laptop?”; and when I did consider “No, you can’t use the same internet connection because I am using it” and then “You take too long in the bathroom” (Note: I don’t…I have never had any other flatmate after her say it either, so there!). In fact, after I moved out and happened to bump into her at the shops 2-3 months later: “You’ve become fat” is what I get. Oh, gee E, and it’s real nice to see you too…

I then had a good run for 8 months. The following year I had another —

I: She seemed really nice at the start. In fact, we were friends and things were good. Until the ‘event’. She came from an party late one night and then informed me the next day that she thought she may have been sexually assaulted. She was too drunk to remember. And the nightmare began — I got into trouble with the manager of the residences (being RA), with my other roommates (we were 4 to a unit) and then even with her! She didn’t want anyone to know, but got the cops involved. I then got into trouble for not letting people know — but who’d figured something was wrong seeing the cops! Following the incident, things got weird between us. (For the record, there was no sexual assault proved). She wasn’t the quiet girl I’d been friends with. Not only did she fool around heaps, she treated me like shit. She got me into trouble with another mate due to some bullshit. At the end of the semester, I was real glad to see her go back!

The semester following I was ok. No major crackpots. Then it was time for…

W: She was an interesting character. The first day she complained about the place. When I told her I was going shopping and out of courtesy, asked her if she’d like me to get anything, her response: “Milk, bread, vegetables for stir-fry, rice.” My unassertive response: “Sure. Umm…what vegetables?” So there I was, being used as a doormat for trying to be nice! I do buy stuff for roomies, but it’s generally been bread and/or milk! Anyhoo, that was just the beginning. I must say, I didn’t make the mistake of asking her that again. Some other crazy-arse stuff that she did: Brushed her teeth over the kitched sink, Blew her nose over the kitchen sink, Stayed locked in her room (which began to stink terribly!), Didn’t seem to shower often, Would wash some clothes in the kitchen sink. By the end of the semester though, she decided to move to another unit within the residences as she didn’t like me and another roommate who brought up the disgusting-ness of her aforementioned behaviour.

S: She came after W left — took the same room. She seemed nice to start off with. As the weeks went by, she turned out to be messy. And while I know I am obsessive about cleanliness, I’ve lived with guys who were messy without a problem — but she beat that! As an example, she left a can of pasta sauce out for more than a week and it sat on the kitchen top collecting fungi. She left roast chicken in a plastic bag (tied up) until the entire unit was stinking like hell! (Problem was, we didn’t know it was the chicken and got rid of the rubbish and tried everything possible) She realised almost 10 days later and threw it out. Messiness aside, she was even scarier. On this one day when I was proof-reading my 5000-word long assignment in the lounge room, she asked me about it. After I told her pretty elatedly about how it was complete, she said she would sneak in to my room when I wasn’t there and delete the whole file. Go figure! She also threatened a friend of mine who had happened to park in a place where she normally parked (it’s not reserved) that she wanted to scratch their car! That is not normal. Anyway, I was real glad to move out. The last few weeks when it was just her and me in the unit, I’d keep my bedroom locked at night, a thing I didn’t do with any other roommate. She scared me and for good reason. I found out that earlier this year, she physically assaulted another girl (who was a friend) when she got mad at her. So I wasn’t being paranoid. Just careful.

Anyway, right now I’m doing okay on the flatmate front.

I do wonder though, if I decide to move in future, what kind of crazy people am I going to land up with?

Anyone else got crazy stories to share?

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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No Comments

  • Reply
    Orhan Kahn
    October 30, 2008 at 12:32 am

    You’re not paranoid if people are out to get you, thats for sure.

    I’ve lived with a many crazy folk and none worth mentioning for the sake of not having to relive the memory of the streaks of insanity. Have lived with my current housemate for seven years. He has had to put up with my craziness instead so it all balances out.

    That chick had an unhealthy obsession with that kitchen sink though. Not cool. Not cool at all.

  • Reply
    Psych Babbler
    November 2, 2008 at 1:48 am

    Yeah…the kitchen sink was one of the worst things ever! I put it down to cultural differences! Although, I am seriously wondering how they manage it!

  • Reply
    Ersa
    June 18, 2009 at 8:49 pm

    oh man, your stories are so scary :-(…i’ve never had any major problems on this front so far, hopefully it will continue to be this way !

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