But feel think 30.
Ever heard of the phrase, you’re on as old as you feel? Being the cognitive-behavioural proponent that I am, I’m going to adapt it to “you’re as old as you think”.
I don’t feel 30. Not physically.
But my thinking is such that I definitely think I’m 30+. Let me explain.
I have always been mature for my age…or so I have been told. By family. By friends. The older I get, the more mature I become. I was never your stereotypical adolescent. I was pretty well-behaved and goal-directed. I was never into the whole partying mode. In fact, I visited a nightclub for the first time when I was 18 and hated it. I haven’t been back to one since.
I never did drugs nor smoked. I drink but not just to get drunk as I know some people do, including a few friends (It doesn’t mean I haven’t gotten drunk…I have)
I have always been the youngest of all my friends but rarely thought that way. Currently here, majority of my friends are aged 26 to 29 years. And yet, I find that I think of them as being younger than me. Part of it probably has to do with the fact that most of them live at home with their parents and the two that don’t are married. I sometimes feel that my friends just don’t get me…get where I’m coming from intellectually.
Maybe it’s all the responsibilities. Living by myself. Managing my own finances. Not depending on my parents. Needing to pay back my parents. Trying to achieve my next goal. And the next and the next.
Maybe it’s the kind of work I do. Helping young people, some aged 21-22, who have had a shitty and fucked up life. Listening to horror stories. Assisting parents in managing their children. Dealing with young people who may be suicidal or at risk of harm. Being the person teachers come to when they are struggling with a particular kid thinking I might have all the answers (even though they have way more experience!)
Maybe it’s the people I work with. I’m the youngest at my workplaces. But I get along well with colleagues despite the fact that I have no kids and almost all of them do. In fact, they forget I am the youngest unless we are celebrating someone’s birthday.
Maybe it’s just me. My temperament. My personality.
I was going through one of my low phases some weeks ago and one of my thoughts was “I’m going to be alone the rest of my life” (dwelling on my singledom staus…which I’m generally quite content with) only to be reminded by someone close to me that I am only 25 and the “rest of my life” is quite a long way away. Yes, only 25. But because I think I’m 30+ in my head, I tend to forget how young I actually am! Of course, the few strands of grey hair don’t help! 😛
On the note of singledom by the way, I find that I am not attracted to guys my age and think of most of them as immature or irresponsible (I know there probably are contradictions out there…). Just as an example…while growing up, I’ve always found the older cricketers attractive. And Adam Gilchrist has only grown more attractive in my eyes the older he has become!
I’m not worried about aging in case that’s what you think this is about. I just wonder…is it because I am so mature…so responsible…so bloody level-headed that I think I’m older than 25? Is that why I chose the kind of career I did? The kind of path I have? Or have I become more mature because of the career path?
I just wonder about it.
So yes, I’m 25 going on 30…or 35. And I may forget my age and respond 30 in a year or two.
Do any of you go through this?
Until next time,