1. Losing people I love: This has been a fear for years. I think it’s a fear most people have but mine can extend to the form of vivid nightmares where I am sobbing and literally feel the pain in my chest as a result. I cannot imagine what life would be like without certain important people in it. And one of the reasons I get scared getting older is that I know it means people I love are getting older too and it means they could possibly die. Morbid, I know. But it’s a fact.
2. Social situations: I am kinda socially phobic. While I am better than before, I still do not like social gatherings with large numbers of people where I don’t know the majority. I am not good at making small talk and always worry about making a fool of myself. I feel very uncomfortable in social situations.
3. Cognitive decline: I hope and pray I never get Alzheimer’s or any form of dementia. One of my fears is that my memory will fail me or I will not be able to learn again. I value my brain a great deal and cannot imagine a day when heaven forbid, I can’t use it as much. I think we all take our brains for granted but I’m sure we would miss all that thinking and learning without it.
4. Dying without telling people I love them: I’m not sure if I’m scared of dying per se. But I am scared of dying and not having told people how much I care about them and what they have meant to me. I think because of that, I’d rather know when I’m dying than have an instant death. I know, I know…technically I should live every day like it’s my last and tell the important people in my life that they are important and why. But like everyone else, I’m flawed and get carried away with the mundane activities of life.
5. Spiders: Okay, so I never used to be scared of spiders when in India. But Australia is totally different. What with all the poisonous spiders that exist here and the scary-looking albeit non-poisonous ones that you can find in your house or backyard or toilet or bathroom….well, my fear has intensified. I have had several encounters with a Huntsman and I’m dreading the day I see a Funnel-web spider or a Red-back spider. Even thinking and writing about them is giving me the creeps!
6. Loss of sight: Somehow, I think I could manage losing my hearing (even though my career depends on it) but losing my sense of sight would be a personal nightmare. I cannot imagine not seeing the beauty around me — the blue of the sky, the greenish-blue of the seas, the reddish-orange leaves in autumn, the colourful birds. Moreover, I cannot imagine not being able to see the written word. See books. I know there are people who are blind and who manage to read through Braille. But having sight and then losing it would be a lot harder to get used to.
7. Being financially dependent: I’m not sure if this classifies as a fear or rather something I’d like to not happen. I do not want to be financially dependent on anyone. I think that it would make me feel like I was completely helpless and I don’t like the feeling and worry about such a scenario. Fingers crossed I don’t reach this stage.
8. A world without books: Yes, I fear that one day, this world we live in will become a paper-free place and as a result, we will no longer have hard copies of books but rather have e-everythings. And I fear and dread a day like that. I am still traditional when it comes to books in that I prefer reading the real thing and not an e-version. I don’t care how ‘real’ they try to make the technology, unless it smells like a real book and feels like a real book and has paper, it is not real. And it doesn’t give me the same pleasure. Even back in my uni days, I would print out research articles and read them rather than reading the pdf version on the computer. For some reason, my brain can’t register information such as research when I’m staring at a screen.
So there you go…my eight big fears.
What about you? Have you got any fears? Do share.
Until next time,