Life

Dating Diary – An update on The Writer

If you are new here or just haven’t caught up with my oh-so-riveting dating life {sarcasm, people!!}, please read this post first. Anyway, I want to thank all the optimists out there. You guys made me smile. Like I said, I hadn’t heard from The Writer and finally thought I would just text him about the fact that the decent thing to do would have been to let me know. Which I did. On Monday night.

I’d thought about this for a while and finally figured I still needed to have the last word. {My ex will tell you I’m a last-word-Nazi when it came to arguments and debates. I’m still working on it}. I told The Writer that I was annoyed he didn’t have the courtesy to tell me directly that he had no interest in continuing contact and chose the silent route instead. I also added that I thought he was more than capable of communicating openly. {He’s a writer for crying out loud!!!} And asked if anything had happened. I ended it with wishing him well. And meant that. Because let’s face it, I still had a good time while it lasted!

I didn’t expect to hear back.

But a couple of hours later my phone beeped to let me know I’d received a message.
It was a strange one. A sort-of apology from The Writer. Saying sorry. And that nothing happened and the problem is that he is restless.

Yes. The classic it’s-not-you-it’s-me story.

{Click image for source}

Either way, I laughed. Restless? Seriously? What does that even mean?

I mean, I figured he was an extrovert and I am an introvert. I analysed it for a day. Wondering whether I needed to respond to it. Talking to my friends about it. And talking out loud to myself in the car.

And I realised that I think I had liked the idea of The Writer. Yes I was attracted to him. But I was also attracted to what-might-be. He seemed very different from the ex who was introverted like me. But funnily enough, I found a pattern. The Writer, like the ex, seems to choose avoidance or withdrawal as a method to deal with difficult situations. And the whole restless/impulsive streak. Both of which drove me nuts the last time! I do know how to pick them, don’t I?

My friend J said I deserved better. And I agree. I wasn’t expecting The Writer to be perfect. We are all screwed up. Me included. But different kinds of screwed-upness {yes, I just made that word up} gel together. So someone who is restless is probably not going to gel with a worrywart. And I guess when I think I deserve better, it’s not in an elitist kind of way. I think I deserve enough for someone to communicate openly. Because that to me, shows respect.

I am OK though.

And looking forward to my next adventure.

I mean what I said — it was good while it lasted. The Writer was fun. Even if I was a nervous wreck through some of it!

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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No Comments

  • Reply
    Trish
    February 7, 2013 at 11:15 am

    Awww I am glad you sent the message and that he replied..atleast now you are not left wondering…I’m sorry,he isn’t what you expected..but as you said.. you deserve someone better..someone who brings out the best in you..:)
    BTW,I love the term last-word-nazi!LOL! I am one too!!
    Lots of love…

    • Reply
      Trish
      February 7, 2013 at 11:19 am

      P.S. BFF & me followed a tradition of going out and celebrating after every break-up or a potential date fail..A whole day long celebration-coffees,shopping,and of course the mandatory bitching!

      • Reply
        Psych Babbler
        February 7, 2013 at 6:59 pm

        Oh and kinda did that on Sunday. The shopping and bitching part. And the weekend before which was just after I posted the first edition, I went and got my hair cut and new jewellery to feel good about myself! 😀

    • Reply
      Psych Babbler
      February 7, 2013 at 6:58 pm

      Ah well, Trish…I guess people always present their best selves when you initially meet them. The screwed up stuff comes later. After all, he didn’t see my neuroses!!! 😀

      Haha…great to hear you’re a last-word-nazi too… 🙂

  • Reply
    Trish
    February 7, 2013 at 11:15 am

    Awww I am glad you sent the message and that he replied..atleast now you are not left wondering…I’m sorry,he isn’t what you expected..but as you said.. you deserve someone better..someone who brings out the best in you..:)
    BTW,I love the term last-word-nazi!LOL! I am one too!!
    Lots of love…

    • Reply
      Trish
      February 7, 2013 at 11:19 am

      P.S. BFF & me followed a tradition of going out and celebrating after every break-up or a potential date fail..A whole day long celebration-coffees,shopping,and of course the mandatory bitching!

      • Reply
        Psych Babbler
        February 7, 2013 at 6:59 pm

        Oh and kinda did that on Sunday. The shopping and bitching part. And the weekend before which was just after I posted the first edition, I went and got my hair cut and new jewellery to feel good about myself! 😀

    • Reply
      Psych Babbler
      February 7, 2013 at 6:58 pm

      Ah well, Trish…I guess people always present their best selves when you initially meet them. The screwed up stuff comes later. After all, he didn’t see my neuroses!!! 😀

      Haha…great to hear you’re a last-word-nazi too… 🙂

  • Reply
    R's Mom
    February 7, 2013 at 1:21 pm

    Wow! I am glad you messaged him and confirmed about the future :):)

    Best luck for the next one eh?

  • Reply
    R's Mom
    February 7, 2013 at 1:21 pm

    Wow! I am glad you messaged him and confirmed about the future :):)

    Best luck for the next one eh?

  • Reply
    Smita
    February 7, 2013 at 3:20 pm

    What if he stops feeling restless and calls you for a date? You will refuse now?

    • Reply
      Psych Babbler
      February 7, 2013 at 7:01 pm

      Not sure Smita. Would depend on a lot of things. Like where I’m at and whether he’s stable. Personally, restless to me is a bit dangerous. Because it makes me wonder if one partner gets restless in a relationship, will they go and seek someone else and cheat on their partner. Doubt I want to put myself through all that. I’d rather have someone neurotic…

      • Reply
        Smita
        February 7, 2013 at 7:58 pm

        Hmmmm but you really don’t know why he is restless hai na? Why not give him a fair chance by meeting and knowing him well?

        • Reply
          Psych Babbler
          February 7, 2013 at 8:06 pm

          True. Knowing me and knowing how attracted I was to him, I probably would give him a chance. But in all honesty, I highly doubt anything will happen. I get the feeling he’s moved on. I bear no ill-feelings towards him though.

          • Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu
            February 11, 2013 at 12:42 am

            “Restless” my foot! He just isn’t man enough! Best to stay away from guys who are so screwed up that they resort to avoidance & withdrawal! You need someone to have fun with, someone mature and balanced… not another “client” (one who doesn’t even pay you)! The only person here who deserves another chance is YOU… and with someone better! This guy can find some some other shrink to help him deal with his “restlessness”!

  • Reply
    Smita
    February 7, 2013 at 3:20 pm

    What if he stops feeling restless and calls you for a date? You will refuse now?

    • Reply
      Psych Babbler
      February 7, 2013 at 7:01 pm

      Not sure Smita. Would depend on a lot of things. Like where I’m at and whether he’s stable. Personally, restless to me is a bit dangerous. Because it makes me wonder if one partner gets restless in a relationship, will they go and seek someone else and cheat on their partner. Doubt I want to put myself through all that. I’d rather have someone neurotic…

      • Reply
        Smita
        February 7, 2013 at 7:58 pm

        Hmmmm but you really don’t know why he is restless hai na? Why not give him a fair chance by meeting and knowing him well?

        • Reply
          Psych Babbler
          February 7, 2013 at 8:06 pm

          True. Knowing me and knowing how attracted I was to him, I probably would give him a chance. But in all honesty, I highly doubt anything will happen. I get the feeling he’s moved on. I bear no ill-feelings towards him though.

          • Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu
            February 11, 2013 at 12:42 am

            “Restless” my foot! He just isn’t man enough! Best to stay away from guys who are so screwed up that they resort to avoidance & withdrawal! You need someone to have fun with, someone mature and balanced… not another “client” (one who doesn’t even pay you)! The only person here who deserves another chance is YOU… and with someone better! This guy can find some some other shrink to help him deal with his “restlessness”!

  • Reply
    Ursula
    February 7, 2013 at 5:23 pm

    Sounds like you’re better off! By the way I love your blog – a fun read!

    • Reply
      Psych Babbler
      February 7, 2013 at 7:02 pm

      Welcome here Ursula! Yep, I think I’m saving myself from a lot of future grief! 🙂 Thanks for the lovely comment about the blog…

  • Reply
    Ursula
    February 7, 2013 at 5:23 pm

    Sounds like you’re better off! By the way I love your blog – a fun read!

    • Reply
      Psych Babbler
      February 7, 2013 at 7:02 pm

      Welcome here Ursula! Yep, I think I’m saving myself from a lot of future grief! 🙂 Thanks for the lovely comment about the blog…

  • Reply
    Psych Babbler
    February 11, 2013 at 8:15 pm

    Chicky, for some reason I can’t reply to you where you have commented. I agree with you on him not being man enough to tell me directly (even via a text message). And the thing about the whole restlessness bit — it’s not like he’s 21. I could understand that if it were the case but he’s in his mid-30s. Poor excuse. And I don’t want to be a shrink for a partner…I have my own problems to deal with when I’m not being paid to work with my clients! 😛 Thanks for the words of support!

  • Reply
    Psych Babbler
    February 11, 2013 at 8:15 pm

    Chicky, for some reason I can’t reply to you where you have commented. I agree with you on him not being man enough to tell me directly (even via a text message). And the thing about the whole restlessness bit — it’s not like he’s 21. I could understand that if it were the case but he’s in his mid-30s. Poor excuse. And I don’t want to be a shrink for a partner…I have my own problems to deal with when I’m not being paid to work with my clients! 😛 Thanks for the words of support!

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