A better place?


photo credit: jalalspages via photopin cc

You thought I was useless
Not a worthy child to you
You said I was the devil
Why? I never had a clue
You tried to get me labelled
And refused my point of view
You seemed to really hate me, mum
I didn’t know what I could do

You left me when I was little
Is that all I meant to you?
You rang me once in a while
And usually out of the blue
You rarely sent me presents
But for your other son, there’d be two
I didn’t seem to exist for you, dad
I didn’t know what I could do

You always raised your voice at me
Nothing good could I ever do
Getting decent grades at school
Was not good enough for you
If you saw me smiling
You’d cut me down real soon
You seemed to despise me, mum
I didn’t know what I could do

You moved to another state
And started a family new
You forgot most birthdays of mine
And yet from afar, I idolised you
I dreamt of a day when we’d hang out together
Kick a footy and have a yarn or two
Still I didn’t come first for you, dad
I didn’t know what I could do

I learnt to get your attention
By being aggressive and scaring you
I learnt I could get my way
By controlling and threatening you
You called the cops and sent me off
What worse could I do?
After all, you already hated me mum
I didn’t know what I could do

I thought living with you would be better
And we’d do what blokes normally do
I tried to behave myself at your place
But you continued to ignore me too
A few months in you got sick of me
And sent me back with a threat or two
I obviously was not your child, dad
I didn’t know what I could do

It seemed like no one wanted me
It seemed like no one cared
You all just yearned to label me
As someone of whom to be scared
I did not know whom to trust
I did not know who would be true
I still loved you mum and dad
I didn’t know what I could do

I refused to seek help
I refused to let down my guard
I refused to let anyone in
Because when they knew me, they’d depart
My final moments were typical
Of the ‘delinquent’ they all knew
Now that I am dead and gone
Mum and dad, that’s the best I could do

(c) Over Cups of Coffee 2014

Note: I found out yesterday that a client of mine who I had last seen 2 years ago died about 6 months back. It was not suicide but still very tragic circumstances. Quite obviously, I cannot divulge details but it broke my heart and left me wondering if there was more that I could have done to engage this client. This client had a rotten life and hopefully, they are in a better place now and no longer suffering. They were only fourteen. 

***Linking with Grace this Friday and hoping that mums, dads and caregivers out there will tell their kids just how much they love them***

Until next time,

18 thoughts on “A better place?

  1. Kira says:

    This is such a raw and beautiful piece of work, even though it is not the happiest subject, but I think it is a true reflection for a lot of people unfortunately. It definitely makes me want to scoop up my kids and give them a big hug! The fact that you have provided this post to share about a past client, I have no doubt that you did everything possible for him and were a positive part his life, even for a little while 🙂
    Kira recently posted…Where Did The Time Go?My Profile

  2. Kinmin says:

    This is so sad.. Just thinking about that kid makes my heart break.. Some days I wonder why people behave the way they do.. why couldn’t the parents see what they were doing.. Anyway, the fact that you care so much and are so pained to hear of his/her death says that you did all that you could for your client.. It must be tough for you to deal with all of this.. Hugs to you!
    Kinmin recently posted…Was she too late…?My Profile

  3. Mi says:

    you are so eloquent with words, and poem writing! I could feel the emotion you wanted to convey, and it was felt strongly.. It was painfully beautiful.. so sad that there was a real life-resemblance.

    The departed be in peace, I pray!

  4. Zita says:

    There are so many times I wish I could ring parents of my students and say “hug your child! Tell them you love them! Tell the you are proud of them! Tell them they are enough!”…. Too many kids out their being emotionally hurt by the ones that are meant to love the. The most, love them unconditionally… Such a powerful poem. (And I know the feeling of wondering you are experiencing..) 🙁
    Zita recently posted…to remember..My Profile

  5. Shilpa Garg says:

    God!! This just broke my heart!! How sad and hurt that child must be… a terrible thing to happen!! And it must be so tough for you!! May the child rest in peace and is at a happy place!

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