The Silent Scream

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The promise of a brand new dawn
Awakens me every single day
But before long, as hours go on
My world turns into a dull grey

An empty feeling that’s hard to describe
Settles heavily within my chest
My mind creates its own havoc inside
Telling me dark tales causing unrest

All the things that made me happy
Books, writing, nature and exercise
Seem to have become a mundane necessity
No longer do they brighten my eyes

The guilt that follows is even worse
Because on the surface, I have it all
A job, a house and money in my purse
A man who loves me and picks me when I fall

Yet, something is missing; a spark has gone
As even routine cannot be withstood
I look in the mirror and see a face forlorn
And a person who wants to escape for good

Where would I go, I don’t know yet
Perhaps somewhere I can get rid of the pain
But if it’s inside me, it won’t let me forget
And suffer I will, again and again

I need to cease my silent screams
And gain control over the tears
I yearn to get rid of my dark dreams
Slowly overcoming unknown fears

It will take time — this is know well
Before the sun will shine for me
I’ll wipe those tears and to myself I’ll tell
Just fake a smile for the world to see

(c) Sanch Vee @ Sanch Writes

***Linking with Jess for IBOT***

20 Comments

  1. Amy @ HandbagMafia

    July 21, 2015 at 8:52 am

    Oh Sanch, I hope you’re doing okay xx
    Amy @ HandbagMafia recently posted…The Liebster EditionMy Profile

    1. Sanch, the writer

      July 21, 2015 at 10:41 am

      Thanks Amy…I’ve been better. Have decided to go get some professional help though.

  2. Malinda @mybrownpaperpackages

    July 21, 2015 at 12:45 pm

    oh sanch, please don’t suffer in silence, find someone to talk to. I hope you are ok.
    Malinda @mybrownpaperpackages recently posted…5 minutes to HappyMy Profile

    1. Sanch, the writer

      October 14, 2015 at 9:45 pm

      Thanks Malinda, I’m seeking therapy. Finally!

  3. Rachna

    July 21, 2015 at 2:00 pm

    Are you okay, Sanch? I hope you find happiness again. Please reach out and seek help. Take care.
    Rachna recently posted…Those precious momentsMy Profile

  4. Vishal Bheeroo

    July 21, 2015 at 4:00 pm

    Hey, hope you fine and stay strong. Life is all about fighting a new battle and never say die. Powerful expression with words, Sanch:)
    Vishal Bheeroo recently posted…Magnet of love and physical distanceMy Profile

  5. elly stornebrink

    July 21, 2015 at 4:38 pm

    I am sorry to hear you are in such pain Sanch, but great that you are reaching out in your own way through writing: that takes courage! <3 Please know that you can overcome any pain and darkness, however big it is. I KNOW as I have been there many a time. With faith that things will work out eventually and various tools – people to talk to over the phone or in person, cry if and when you need to, write if you can as that may help, read uplifting material if you can, listen and/or dance/sing to music if you can, consider healing through massage/body work/energy healing – I can do that long distance if you are interested – whatever it takes do it, find it. You can heal and overcome the darkness. Question and then question the question, i.e., what is underneath? Are you seeking a change at work in your career? Do you seek adventure and wish to travel more? etc.. Explore by questioning and also express gratitude, thanks for what you do have in your life and keep focusing on that too. For where your focus goes…well, there is an expression, "Where attention goes, energy flows, and results show." I hope this helps Sanch and if you ever need to 'chat' I am usually up late! Take care in the meantime. <3
    elly stornebrink recently posted…Gratitude List #14: Eat, Drink, and Be Merry 2My Profile

  6. Ashleigh - mymeow.com.au

    July 21, 2015 at 4:47 pm

    You just reminded me to message you. I know too well what this feels like. I describe it as the feeling like someone has died in your gut but without the dying. If none of the things you are doing help then it is time to go see someone. Xxx
    Ashleigh – mymeow.com.au recently posted…GUEST BLOG FROM THE CAT: MEET MY KITTY FRIENDSMy Profile

  7. CookieCrumbsInc.

    July 21, 2015 at 5:08 pm

    Don’t let the clouds close in.
    xoxo
    CookieCrumbsInc. recently posted…Day 20: SchadenfreudeMy Profile

  8. Natalie @ Our Parallel Connection

    July 21, 2015 at 7:14 pm

    Oh Sanch.. this is just beautiful. I hope you are ok and the silent screaming can be worked through. Big kisses your way.
    Natalie @ Our Parallel Connection recently posted…Why siblings can make you a better person?My Profile

  9. nabanita

    July 21, 2015 at 9:20 pm

    Ahh are you okay?

    I guess it’s normal to feel this way at times… It happens to me too at times but I don’t delve into it so deeply..You’ll be fine!
    nabanita recently posted…Acceptance, Approval & Tolerance #1000Speak #MondayMusingsMy Profile

  10. Hugzilla

    July 21, 2015 at 9:30 pm

    Just sending some more internet love your way. Please take care of yourself x
    Hugzilla recently posted…9 Types of Fatigue That No One Tells New Parents AboutMy Profile

  11. Vinitha

    July 22, 2015 at 12:05 am

    Hugs, Sanch. I think we both are at the same place now. I feel sad, but I am not unhappy. I’m crying myself to sleep. This happens every 3-4 months so I think it will be alright soon.
    I’m happy that you wrote about this and shared with us. I hope writing helped you as much as reading this poem helped me. Know that you are not alone. <3
    Vinitha recently posted…Success first then happiness? My Profile

  12. Harini

    July 22, 2015 at 1:36 am

    I hope you are doing okay. It is normal to feel this way sometimes but not always. I hope that writing this made you feel a bit better *hugs*.

  13. elly stornebrink

    July 22, 2015 at 5:22 pm

    I just realized something today too Sanch, it could possibly be hormonal related, not necessarily “cycle” related though could be, but I am thinking thyroid for example. You may wish to get a health check-up as well just in case as there can be so many various causes of depression. Good luck in getting to the root cause as that’s usually half the battle! <3
    elly stornebrink recently posted…Gratitude List #14: Eat, Drink, and Be Merry 2My Profile

  14. Rat

    July 23, 2015 at 3:42 am

    Intense lines.
    A Rat’s Nibble
    Rat recently posted…The DawnMy Profile

  15. Rajlakshmi

    July 23, 2015 at 10:44 pm

    Oh Sanch don’t let it bundle up. I am sorry you are going through these feelings… I hope everything gets better and you are your cheery self again.
    Rajlakshmi recently posted…Unreachable!!My Profile

  16. Parul

    July 25, 2015 at 8:53 pm

    Sanch – we are there for you! You are not alone. Just stay put. Things will get better soon.
    Parul recently posted…My #Cherished ObjectMy Profile

  17. Alysha Herrmann

    July 27, 2015 at 3:31 pm

    Some beautiful (if painful) words. We all skate too close to the darkness sometimes. Hope you are being kind to yourself.

    x
    Alysha Herrmann recently posted…Dear Me, 19. #idealist #failure #RAAsummitMy Profile

  18. Brighten up with Fresh Flowers - Living my Imperfect Life

    August 21, 2015 at 3:28 pm

    […] of you probably know that I have been struggling with my mental health. I do try to stay afloat and while I have just commenced therapy, I have also been doing things to […]

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