#InvertedRefrain: Numb #atozchallenge

When the darkness settles within
The world is seen through shades of black
Everything right feels like a sin
All that goes wrong is an attack

The darkness makes the world go black
Right or wrong, we commit a sin

Watching the world go rushing by
The numbness slows down every move
Others undergo feeling high
We, however, have lost our groove

Those rushing undergo a high
Our numbness makes us lose our groove

When all that is yearned is to sleep,
Tired and numb, shirking daily life
Social promises hard to keep
Lost relationships create strife

Tiredness invades our daily life
Relationships are hard to keep

The only way to ease the pain
Slicing skin with a sharpened blade
Popping pills will end the refrain
Sadness has brought for a decade

Popping pills will help end the pain
As killing sadness with a blade

(c) Sanch Vee @ Sanch Writes (11 April 2017)

***

The Inverted Refrain, created by Jan Turner, consists of four 6-line stanzas, for a total of 24 lines. Rhyme scheme per stanza: Lines #1-4 are abab; Lines #5 and #6, the two inverted refrain lines, can be a,b or b,a. There are 8 syllables in every line. The first four lines of a stanza create a statement from which the last 2 lines extract the meaning, and invert the way it was said. The last two lines of each stanza, which are the ‘inverted refrain’, are indented as a couplet. As a variation, the couplets in each stanza can reorganise the information in the previous four lines in a summarised manner, and can add further description.

This has been written for the 2017 A to Z Challenge

25 Comments

  1. Ritika Tiwari

    April 11, 2017 at 8:23 am

    I am a writer but I never dealt into poetry! Honestly, I didn’t even know about inverted refrain.

    I love the effort you are putting in Sanch, its just incredible! Keep going 🙂

  2. Shilpa Garg

    April 11, 2017 at 11:08 am

    Wow! This seems like a challenging one… I mean following the rules of abab, syllables etc.
    You have brought out the pain and anguish of a depressed/suicidal person! Well done, Sanch!

  3. SHALINI BAISIWALA

    April 11, 2017 at 11:28 am

    This one is a bouncer for me; the poetry form technicality I mean. The poem itself is beautiful – good job Sanchie!

    Theme: Peregrination Chronicles (travel)
    I is for innovation or Jugaad which we Indians are very famous for #atozchallenge

  4. Shailaja Vishwanath

    April 11, 2017 at 12:15 pm

    The thing I enjoyed about this piece was the looping back effect created by the refrain. It reinforces that feeling of despair that people go through before they contemplate ending it all. A poem that mirrors the effects of depression only too well and done in such an interesting verse, to boot.

  5. Namratha

    April 11, 2017 at 12:26 pm

    Really enjoyed the scheme of the poem, though I think it will be a difficult one to create. You have done it beautifully.

  6. Sreesha

    April 11, 2017 at 2:54 pm

    That one’s really technical. I picked it up as I read your poem, but will be tough for me to come up with one.

  7. Bellybytes

    April 11, 2017 at 3:51 pm

    I am enjoying each and every post of your poetry lessons… especially the poems you’ve written. Thanks for sharing your beautiful words in such a beautiful way And I loved this photo too..

  8. Smita

    April 11, 2017 at 5:18 pm

    These are such beautiful lines . Don’t understand the form much but the story inside of the pain and depression is powerful. Thanks for sharing

    https://smitasangle.wordpress.com/2017/04/11/h-is-for-hair-a-story-on-sexual-harassment-at-workplace/

  9. Suzy

    April 11, 2017 at 8:18 pm

    This sounds like a difficult form to write. But you’ve written it very well. A tad morbid though.

  10. Kaddu

    April 11, 2017 at 9:02 pm

    Huh! The syllable limit seems like an extra challenge. Otherwise this could be fun.
    You ARE good, Sanch! Even more impressed today!
    Happy AtoZing!
    Chicky @ http://www.mysteriouskaddu.com

  11. Vinodini

    April 11, 2017 at 9:13 pm

    You’re amazing with this! I wouldn’t have ever been able to get this right. Great going, Sanch.

  12. Neha

    April 11, 2017 at 9:15 pm

    You have tried to dwell into the the minds of a suicidal person. It is a courageous topic to choose and do justice to. Written beautifully, though I don’t understand the technicality of a poem, the emotions touched me.
    Intrigue

  13. Rajlakshmi

    April 11, 2017 at 9:53 pm

    wow this is so dark and intense, the ending kinda makes me feel the blade!! And once again you did a brilliant job with the form. 😀

  14. Swathi Shenoy

    April 11, 2017 at 10:47 pm

    This form of poetry looks so difficult. You have done a great job with it! You have brought out the pain of the person so well.
    Swathi Shenoy recently posted…Introvert’s LifeMy Profile

  15. Shalini R

    April 11, 2017 at 11:18 pm

    That’s tough! And you have done a brilliant job, Sanch! Never knew of this form of poetry.

  16. Soumya

    April 11, 2017 at 11:27 pm

    Very technical this one. But once it makes sense, the poetry seems so lovely.
    It must have been really difficult to write this, but the impact was solid. Good job on this one Sanch 🙂

  17. Ravish Mani

    April 11, 2017 at 11:35 pm

    Very piercing, Sanch. The effort you undertook to write a poem in inverted refrain format is commendable.

  18. shubhangi srikanth

    April 12, 2017 at 1:15 am

    Wow! I didn’t know about this style of poetry. It looks to be quite difficult to compose. But I can see the effect it has on the verse. It brings out the meaning beautifully.
    Shubhangi @ The Little Princess

  19. Roshan Radhakrishnan

    April 12, 2017 at 2:21 am

    Again, in addition to a heartfelt poem, the knowledge behind these variations simply astounds me..

  20. Mithila Menezes @fabulus1710

    April 12, 2017 at 2:26 am

    The refrain in this poem acts like a perfect summary for each stanza.

    This poem is the most complex one I’ve come across in this series! I may end up spending more than a month writing a poem like this 🙈
    Mithila Menezes @fabulus1710 recently posted…Hi, so you have a blog? #AtoZChallengeMy Profile

  21. Menaka Bharathi

    April 12, 2017 at 2:34 am

    You have beautifully brought out the pain and emotions of a depressed person..Very touching and heartfelt poetry. A very subtle subject which you have brought very beautiful with full of emotions.

    Launching SIM Organics This April
    *Menaka Bharathi *
    *SimpleIndianMom*

  22. Geets

    April 12, 2017 at 3:12 am

    Wonderful job on this one too, Sanch! I’m sure it wasn’t an easy job to write this one, given the number lines, syllables and other rules you had to follow!
    Beautifully written it is!
    Cheers

  23. Alice Gerard

    April 12, 2017 at 3:40 am

    This is a beautiful poem. It’s so expressive and so meaningful and so sad. I love the form and, although I don’t write much poetry, I’m going to give this a try on “P” day (“P is for poem).

  24. Jacqui

    April 12, 2017 at 3:41 am

    Interesting poetry form. I can see it would fit certain topics perfectly.

  25. Reema D'souza

    April 12, 2017 at 4:01 am

    Your poems amaze me! I like the way you try new forms of poetry and end up doing it so beautifully!

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