Life lessons

Of conventions and all things moral

I find myself thinking about conventions in society — what is the norm, what is expected, what is required. While I understand the importance of having some expectations such as not harming others, there’s other unwritten expectations I fail to understand. Yet, these unwritten rules and expectations seem to hover over us — either because of friends and family, or because we now have them ourselves.

So what are these unwritten rules that we as a society subscribe to that I personally have a problem with?

Well, one being all women must get married before 30 or else it’s too late…(Definitely one partial to the Indian society, if not others)

All women must get married (at least once) or something’s wrong with them…

All women must have babies (I will grudgingly admit that this rule is in place so that the species continues…but I have a problem with the ‘all’)

All women must love children

These unwritten rules are everywhere — right from all the television shows to movies that depict how a woman cannot manage on her own, to the media, to finally permeating through religious beliefs and mythology and into our societies. Again, it must be noted that it’s not just Indian telly that makes these unwritten rules prominent. How many American programs show that a woman can manage perfectly well on her own? I haven’t watched Sex and the City apart from one episode (did not interest me one bit, may I add) and was told by other girl friends how this was a woman’s show portraying women as strong, successful, career-oriented…Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t the movie show the main character as getting married?? Isn’t that the stereotypical thing that all women are shown as doing? So how was that different?

Anyway, my vent about this topic is that I’m not interested in getting married and having babies and the lot. I’d rather just have a bunch of dogs instead of kids. So what does that make me? Some kind of monster? I know my mum was shocked when I said I’d be perfectly happy being unmarried all my life. She went into her immediate response “Don’t say such things!” (Because of what — fear that it may come true???) And then went into her spiel about how they as parents have a duty and one of it is to see their children married off. Excuse me, but who says it’s a duty? These unwritten rules are so entrenched in society that our parents feel guilty if they don’t do “their duty”.

So I’m not your typical woman. I never have been. I’ve been stubborn. I’ve been determined. I like doing things my way. And if I were to get married, it would be on my terms. I don’t want kids, period. Yes I work with children and adolescents, but funnily enough, unlike for most of my friends who become cluckier by the day, this profession makes me want to have kids less and less. Again, this is how I feel now. I know I will continue being stubborn as far as marriage is concerned. My stubborness has proved to be fruitful so far in life.

And as for kids, well, I’ll invest in a dog first for sure!

Until next time,


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  • Reply
    March 21, 2012 at 11:58 pm

    Have you heard this one? “it is your parents duty to get you married. And it is your duty to help them do their duty by agreeing to marriage.”

    And ya.. Everygody’s duty is to remind me of my duty!

    • Reply
      Psych Babbler™
      March 22, 2012 at 9:26 am

      I think I have heard that one…though not directed at me. But yes, we are always duty bound aren’t we?! And welcome to this space! 🙂

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