I have always been a worrier although for many years I was in denial. I catastrophise. I fortune-tell. I mind-read. And I worry. For those not in the know, some of what I mentioned are thinking errors that we commonly engage in. While on the bright side, I’m aware of my thinking errors, on the not-so-bright side, I continue to engage in them.
Presently, I am catastrophising big time about my future. Granted, I’ve got a good job and recently got offered another. My current worry is that it’s too good to be true. That something is going to slip up. And that, that something might actually have to do with my residency. Anxiety is generally about unpredictability and lack of control and as far as my situation with my permanent reisdency goes, I have both. Whilst I meet the criteria, I have no idea what could impede my chances (unpredictability) and I have done everything in my power so far to get to this point such as studying, getting a job, handing in the application. Now everything is in the hands of a case officer in the immigration department and there is nothing more that I can do (lack of control).
My anxiety levels have hit an all-time high.
I’m finding it hard to challenge the negative thoughts.
I’m finding it harder to be mindful.
While I do try to focus on my breathing or to relax, that’s bloody hard as well.
I can’t wait to start seeing clients from tomorrow — helping them with their problems and worries makes me forget my own. At least for a while.
Until next time,