Life

Am I paranoid?

I will be the first to say that I’m an anxious person and I worry heaps about the future.

But now, I want your opinion as to whether I’m just worrying or whether I’ve crossed a line and apparently become paranoid.

Flatmate that owns the house (we’ll call him Housemate 1) still has another room available. Before I agreed to share this place, I was told another girl would be moving in to the current available room. A flight attendant. After taking the place, I was told, Housemate 1 did not like some stuff about her and so he had re-advertised and another guy was going to be moving in.

Fair enough.

Now, I’ll be honest. I’m not prude nor do I have a problem living with guys…but I do honestly feel more comfortable if I’m not the only female! Still, I thought I’d give Potential Housemate 2 a chance.

3 days before Potential Housemate 2 was going to move in, he cancelled saying he found another place. Okay. Again, fair enough.

Then, Housemate 1 says 2 girls were coming to check out the place (separately). Neither of them turned up on the day they were supposed to and instead rescheduled for another day to view the place. I was away the day they came. Turns out, Housemate 1 did not particularly like them and so, they are not moving in.

Housemate 1 then tells me, he would prefer to have another guy in order to “balance things out”. I thought to myself “the only way it’ll be balanced out is if one of you is gay!” Still didn’t say anything to Housemate 1 about my preferences. Mind you, he wants my opinion in the final choice. Or so he says.

Two days ago, Housemate 1 calls me at work and says that a previous housemate of his has their lease almost up and he is thinking of asking the Ex-housemate whether he would like to share here. Oh, and just to add to it…Ex-Housemate is a bloke.

I told Housemate 1 honestly, that I would prefer a girl. Housemate 1 then tried to convince me that Ex-Housemate is not too bad and while he is a big bloke, he’s more of a gentle giant. And all I could think of was “why call me when you’ve apparently made up your mind?”

So am I being paranoid or something weird going on? I mean, it’s one thing having two guys and not wanting that. It’s a totally different thing living with two guys and not wanting that, and living with two guys who are mates. The dynamics in a household change big time when two people are already friends. I’ve seen it before. And I haven’t liked it.

So now, I’m confused.

Should I look for another place although I’ve just lived here a week? (The rent is cheap and I like the suburb!)

Should I just wait it out for another few months before I can afford my own place?

Should I insist on not having this bloke stay? (Yeah….like I could ever be that assertive!)

Or can anyone out there give me an objective answer?

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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No Comments

  • Reply
    Kartikey
    February 13, 2009 at 8:42 am

    Keep posting more on this as you observe it.
    Involve another party into this… say a friend of yours. Make it known that there are people who are in touch with you and know what’s happening in your life.
    Think aloud with the man you are staying with.

  • Reply
    G
    February 13, 2009 at 9:13 am

    Sounds creepy. “Better be paranoid than dead” said one of the email forwards that I received lately. It was about what safety precautions girls should follow in the event they are being robbed/eve teased/mugged etc.
    If you ask me, I would suggest you move out. Housemate1 seems super shady to me.

  • Reply
    Smita
    February 13, 2009 at 12:06 pm

    I guess your doubts are justified. When you are staying alone you have to be cautious and there have been way too many coincidences in would be tenants not turning up or not being ok.

    I think if you can find another place easily look for it….

  • Reply
    Joel
    February 13, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    well since u cant be assertive .. id say give it a try .. might not be as bad as u thought (then again i am the kinda idiot who thinks he will get a job in england at the peak of reseccion) as i said .. try it out for a few weeks .. if u cant manage u should probably tell em that .. and move out .. im sure the blokes will adjust a bit for a gurl .. they are blokes to start out with .. if things work out and u can manage u still have only a few months to go till u save up enough to get ur own place 🙂 .. gud luck !

  • Reply
    Reema
    February 13, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    I think u should make your comfort a priority. See for few weeks if the dynamics change after the bloke arrives (dont be antagonized before hand) and if u think its not working then shift. By that time u would have saved some money too. Give the new bloke and situation a chance.

  • Reply
    Tash
    February 14, 2009 at 4:48 am

    I wouldn’t say paranoid…just apprehensive. I’d probably wait and see, and decide in a couple of weeks. May be all good!
    If you can wait it out, then you’ve saved and reached you goal…and maybe met new people!
    And in the end, unless it’s unbareable, you are there as a stepping stone…you can do anything for a couple of months!!

  • Reply
    Psych Babbler
    February 15, 2009 at 1:53 am

    First to all of you: Thanks for commenting and sharing your views!

    @ Kartikey: All my friends are aware of my situation and have been helpful. Plus I’ve exaggerated to Housemate1 about the number of relatives I have here. Will definitely post more.

    @ G: Thanks for visiting. My one other dilemma is that he may not be so creey coz he’s a pilot and they have to undergo psych tests. He’s been nice and friendly but I just haven’t been completely comfortable. But like I said above, my friends are all aware of the situation and more than one has visited here.

    @ Smita: I’ve been thinking that too — isn’t it too many ppl that have not moved in? Was I too hasty? Grrrr!!!!

    @ Joel, Reema & Tash (since you had a similar point): Couple of my friends have said that too…that I should just wait it out. But then, these are friends that still live at home with parents and have never lived with anyone else. On the other hand, the only friend who has experienced her share of weird flatmates has encouraged me to move if I’m not comfortable.

    I’m so confused!!!!

  • Reply
    Smita
    February 15, 2009 at 5:02 am

    I don’t think u hurried but the fact is that since u have to live there 24X7 u shud be comfortable…isliye jo dil kahe wo karo…u r there and u know the facts as they are…

  • Reply
    Psych Babbler
    February 16, 2009 at 9:27 am

    @ Smita: Thanks for that. Thing is, I took a friend along when I came to check out the place. And she still reckons Housemate1 is all right. As for doing what my heart says — it’s torn!!! Or at least, it’s having a fight with my head which is thinking about saving money. Sigh!

  • Reply
    Orhan Kahn
    February 20, 2009 at 4:53 am

    This sort of thing is never easy! I know exactly how you’re feeling. I hope it passes!

  • Reply
    Psych Babbler
    February 20, 2009 at 8:06 am

    @ Orhan: Long time! 🙂 I’m guessing you have been in similar situations. But yeah, can’t wait till I can get my own place.

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