Not a girly-girl

I am not a girly-girl. Or a womanly-woman, if you prefer.

Never have been. And sometimes that can be so hard.

Especially when for some reason, majority of your friends are girls…and that too extremely feminine ones. Even the lesbians I am friends with seem to be a lot girlier than me (though they are not as feminine as the others). I will explain: for instance, they all love shopping, are very fashion conscious, not fond of watching sport on telly, not fond of discussing sport, don’t drink beer (this one is only my girlfriends here) and the ones that do drink beer here, prefer the low-carb stuff. Another example would be this weekend when we all went to one of our friend’s wedding. Turned out my friend wore 2 wedding gowns. I for one, hadn’t noticed. I don’t pay attention to stuff like that. For me, she wore a white gown that was very long. But the rest of the group noticed it…they were able to notice the difference and then there was the discussion about how beautiful the dress was and what each one liked about the dress. Everyone at the table joined in except myself and one friend’s husband (the only guy at the table!) The two of us felt left out of that bit of conversation. So hopefully, you get the drift now…

For someone who has always been a tomboy, I have very few guy friends. Back home I have a couple of guy friends and about the same number here as well. And I really enjoy hanging out with just the guys. They are not completely blokey-blokes but intelligent guys that can have conversation on a variety of topics (including psychology). But they are guys I can have a beer with at a sports bar without worrying about how many carbs I’m consuming in that schooner of Tooheys New! In fact, the last time my guy friend and I went out to the local pub, I suggested the sports bar section because they were showing highlights of the cricket and he told me that I am probably the only girl he has ever known to insist on sitting in the sports bar!

Anyway, the whole experience this weekend made me think about this a whole lot more. About how I really would like to have some more guy friends. Not just to talk about sport. But a blend of sport and humour and of course, serious stuff would be great. It doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate and love my girl friends. But sometimes, I feel like an outcast when I don’t know about the latest make-up or fashion trends, or when I back out of clothes & shoe shopping trips or because I haven’t watched ‘Sex and the city’.

Anyone else ever experience something like this? Guys and girls? Or is it just me?

Do share.

Until next time,


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  • Titaxy
    January 11, 2010 at 7:10 am

    πŸ˜€ you know what i’m gonna say, don’t you? oh well, will say it anyway…

    i don’t like shopping, fashion doesn’t interest me, don’t know abx of makeup or anything…not at all girly, never been into any of those things..

    i dunno about whether i wud worry abt too much carbs or not when it comes to beer, cause i dont drink…but then i eat tons of icecream on a daily basis, so i assume it won’t bother me much :D…

  • Titaxy
    January 11, 2010 at 7:11 am

    first? yes, pls?

  • Titaxy
    January 11, 2010 at 7:14 am

    yay! not sleeping on a sunday night pays off πŸ˜›

  • Psych Babbler
    January 11, 2010 at 7:15 am

    @ Titaxy: Yes you’re first! πŸ™‚ Hehe…I had a feeling you would say that…you should move here! Seriously! πŸ˜› We’ve got lots in common… πŸ™‚

  • Matt
    January 11, 2010 at 7:16 am

    Yes,you are T,I thought of beating you to it,but I was responding to your post! πŸ˜›

  • Psych Babbler
    January 11, 2010 at 7:17 am

    @ Matt: Lol…looks like you lucked out today…I got to T’s first

  • Matt
    January 11, 2010 at 7:22 am

    Yeah I noticed! πŸ˜€
    No excuses this time cuz of this:P

  • debosmita
    January 11, 2010 at 7:47 am

    u r definitely not the only one… me, too πŸ™‚

    I like shopping alone, have just the right amount of knowledge of fashion as to what to wear where, enjoy cricket and tennis, have more guy frnds than gal pals and much more…

    in my younger days, i used to be so tomboyish that my guy frnds never considered me as a gal. I was always fighting wid them, beating them up, playing cricket with them etc etc…

    now, I guess, I a bit more feminine that those days πŸ˜‰ I, at least, no more, look like a boy ;-D

  • Xuxana
    January 11, 2010 at 8:13 am

    I HATE Sex and the City.

  • Clarissa
    January 11, 2010 at 8:15 am

    I am the same. Only shopping i like is for books. And i often feel way more comfortable talking to guys. I love watching sports – most of them. At our lab christmas party (uni) I mostly chatted to the guys and prefered chatting to them. I don’t notice haircuts or anything like that and my favourite clothes are a t-shirt and shorts/cargo pants.

    So you are not alone!

    And in terms of cricket i was so disappointed pakistan lost in sydney!!! I couldn’t work at uni cause of the tension (we were also listening to it on the radio) It would have made it a much better series! And i like it when australia loses

  • Gyanban
    January 11, 2010 at 8:27 am

    the eternal battle between Veronica Lodge and Betty Cooper ! World will never really know who is the better one.! Environment plays a huge role in shaping mindset.If you have been brought up in a let’s do it – environment chances are you ll have more masculine outlook, vs those ladies who have grown up other doing it for them tend to be a bit more girly if you will.!

    IMHO both men and women have a woman and man in each other.

  • Chatterbox
    January 11, 2010 at 8:31 am

    I always considered myself to be a non girly-girl till I met my hubby. I had short bob cut hair and I never bothered about make up (though I do have stylish shoulder length hair now and I definitely don’t do much make up till now) and I thought myself quite tom boyish.

    But trust me PB your post made me think again about myself during those teen years. I have never tasted alcohol, not cause of any particular reason but because of it’s bitter smell). I am not the pub loving or sports channel watching soul either. I am not much into shopping but when it comes to creativity and cooking, I am every bit a girly-girl.

    Thanks PB for this wonderful post. You gave me a chance to look back at myself and shake off a few misconceptions I had.

    It was a pleasure knowing you a bit better through this post πŸ˜€

    Keep writing πŸ™‚


  • indianhomemaker
    January 11, 2010 at 9:10 am

    I feel every woman needs atleast ten best friends πŸ™‚ The common interest one, the gym and exercise (walk/swim/tennis), the shopping friend, the ‘let’s watch cricket’ friend … and so on πŸ™‚

    I never thought I was a tom-boy, since that label belonged to my sister, but I love sports shoes, and live in comfortable clothes, love animals, enjoy exercise, for the past few years have stopped enjoying shopping for clothes prefer furniture/books/curtains/linen etc … maybe we go through phases of interests, and need more friends to share those changes with πŸ™‚

  • MilesPerHour
    January 11, 2010 at 11:15 am

    I have had and still do have only one close female friend. For me, I just see my friendships as something that choose me. If I like someone or seem to have a common bond then a friendship may develop. They just happen. Then again, as an introvert I seem to have a smaller circle of friends than others.

  • Prats
    January 11, 2010 at 11:39 am

    I have never consciously been frineds depending on the gender but generally I gel with females better as in the discussions with females are a lot more intimate and at an emotional level. With guys generally its about fun. I am glad that my friend circle is a good mix where I can be what I would like to be.

  • Magali
    January 11, 2010 at 2:17 pm

    Lol! I am not girly on a daily basis at all. But I can be like that if I want to. And I can’t lie & say I’ve never been girly at all, I went through a short phase when I was a tween.
    Yes I do love shopping- for clothes jewelery shoes books or gadgets. (It’s hard being an onionmaniac! Mom thinks I should ask you how to ‘cure’ myself!)
    I have never seen Sex & The City, but I do watch desperate Housewives. But just a week or two ago I met a guy who actually started discussing the show with me, so I don’t think I would call it girly any more! But yes I am not at all girly when it comes to gadgets. I am WAY better than ALL girls I have met at gadgets, plus I can put most boys to shame. I hate it when people use the expression ‘boys & their toys’ cos I like gadgets just as much, if not more! I kinda loathe it when girls only have laptops or cell phones as accessories & can’t even answer basic questions about their specs. So I think I am not girly or tomboy as such, but a blend of both!

  • Avada Kedavra
    January 11, 2010 at 3:49 pm

    Hey PB.. long time.. could relate to this post sooo well since even I am a tomboy. But I have more guy friends now, than girl friends. There was a time in college when I used to hang out with a guy’s gang totally. I enjoy more when I am with guys because I would prefer hiking or watching a movie than spending time at the parlour πŸ™‚ I hate makeup, fashion. Shopping is fine as long as I buy something (I hate window shopping or spending an entire day at mall). Nice post PB πŸ™‚

  • Aditya
    January 11, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    Thats so cool! I can relate to that lone guy at the table. I faced those situations so many times when people start those girly topics lol πŸ˜›

    In fact, I have very few girl friends with whom i share a beer but i have had few of them at college and yes sports bar was the first choice!

    lets see, we can share a beer when i come to australia πŸ˜›

  • Richa
    January 11, 2010 at 6:36 pm

    hmmm..interesting question. I have always been towards tomboyish side compared to my female friends. Having said that, I do like to dress up but not necessarily in a girly way though. It’s kind of freedom that I enjoy living abroad. The fact that I can wear whatever I want without someone telling me that I am asking for it. I like that freedom and take full advantage of it. I still don’t have any patience for shoes and purses and still feel more comfortable in jeans/cargo but I do have few nice skirts and summer-dresses that I love to wear in nice weather.

    I used to watch cricket back in India but have lost that interest ever since I landed here, just like bollywood movies. I don’t like watching any other sports but I do like playing sports. Any kind of sports.

    I am not sure which category I would put myself in, but I am not like the typical girly-girls that I have seen: the ones that shriek and run to their Boyfriend/husband if you throw a ball at them to catch, or the ones who gets so nervous that their hands shake if someone else is trying to help them in the kitchen

  • Edwina
    January 12, 2010 at 2:13 am

    I used to aways think that it was a bad thing to be too girly. I’m not sure why. Over time I’ve learned to just let it go – be girly when I feel like it, not girly when I don’t. That works.

  • Nu
    January 12, 2010 at 3:44 am

    Like T has already said it..I’m too into your gang girls !! Me too almost like you..why almost? Oh for that one bit of difference..I love shopping πŸ™‚ Other than that me too on the same page πŸ™‚

    And yes all my childhood until few years before I was totally a tom boy..meaning boy-cut,jeans and tee..that’s all you could see me into :) only my hair have grown a bit and i wear some Indian dresses too..but of course I love my jeans too much to give up πŸ™‚

    So me too invited there as I also have things similar to you ? πŸ™‚

  • AnjuGandhi
    January 12, 2010 at 3:52 am

    first time on your blog
    I liked the way you put “I am not a girly-girl. Or a womanly-woman”
    I enjoy more with men rather than with woman. i love to listen to men talk than to all those girlish gossips
    BUT BUT I also enjoy l enjoy fashion, latest trends.

  • Subidit Nandy
    January 12, 2010 at 6:26 am

    i really feel like commenting but don’t know what to say.
    i think i am getting your point where you said-
    ” Everyone at the table joined in except myself” πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

    wish me luck.. hopefully will make some meaningful comments next time πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  • BlueMist
    January 12, 2010 at 10:57 am

    Well I have never been like tomboy but yet I have never been one of those silly barbie girl types.
    I love to do a lot of things alone; and i really really don’t depend on people if I want to get things done. Yeah I am conscious about the stuff I keep in my mouth and i love to shop. But I can read and understand my finances and tax returns. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  • Smita
    January 13, 2010 at 4:09 am

    πŸ™‚ In someway am like that!!! In college I was a part of group which had 4 guys nd I was the only girl! πŸ˜€ Th reason I had drifted away from the girls in my college was that they used to dedicate 2 hrs at least to gossiping which I felt was a waste of time! Though I have never been into sports but the factors that make me think that guys are better frenz is that they are usually not too much fussy!!! You don’t have to think of things like he might feel bad etc etc….

  • Psych Babbler
    January 17, 2010 at 12:39 am

    @ Debosmita: Thanks for sharing! I must admit, I do look a lot more feminine now…have even grown my hair. I like dressing up occassionally…but that involves skirts or jeans…not necessarily following trends…

    @ Xuxana: Welcome! And tell me about it…I never understood why women were ga-ga over it! Neither do I get Desperate Housewives….

    @ Clarissa: Haha…we would get along great! I love shopping just for books…that’s the only time I will spend ages. And yes, I was disappointed about the result of the 2nd test…although I always support Aus…just thought Pak lost the match than Aus winning it. The 3rd test would have been so much more exciting had Pak won it….

    @ Gyanban: Well said…you have a good point there. And yes, I do agree that femininity and masculinity are two extremes on the same continuum and we all lie along that continuum…some more feminine while others more masculine and still others in the middle…

    @ CB: Thanks for sharing about yourself! πŸ™‚ I must admit, despite how non-feminine I am, I do have long hair and enjoy getting dressed up once in a while. πŸ™‚ But definitely not fond of shopping and girly creations and stuff. Cooking I like once in a while but that’s coz I love the eating part! πŸ˜›

    @ IHM: That’s what I need…friends for every occassion!!! Any ideas how to find them?!

    @ MPH: Yep…introvert here as well, and therefore a small group of friends. But would definitely like some more male friends which I don’t seem to have…but my introversion makes it harder for me to take initiative. :/

    @ Prats: That’s really great that you have a good mix of friends! πŸ™‚

    @ Mags: Blend of both sounds good…it’s called being androgenous I think. And ROFL at your mum asking me to ‘cure’ you!! πŸ˜›

    @ Avada: See…that’s what I’d like. To be able to make more guy friends. Unfortunately, since I’m an introvert, it’s a lot harder. And my profession is such there are more women both at uni and at the workplace.

  • Psych Babbler
    January 17, 2010 at 2:58 am

    @ Aditya: Haha! πŸ™‚ Sure…let me know when you get here and we can share a beer! πŸ˜€

    @ Richa: I totally get what you are saying…I’m like that. Yes I prefer my jeans and a top but like dressing up occasionally in skirts or a dress. But unlike some girly-girls, I’m not the kind that puts makeup every single day or is up with the latest fashion. I wear clothes I like or feel good in — whether they are jeans, singlets, dresses or skirts. And lol at the eg of girls screaming when a ball comes their way…used to know girls like that at school! πŸ˜›

    @ Edwina: Lol…you know what’s funny…the culture I grew up in, it was bad to be too tomboyish! I used to think there was something wrong with me because other girls didn’t like sport like I did and stuff. I’ve accepted a lot now and yeah, there’s days I like wearing a skirt or a dress! πŸ™‚

    @ Nu: Yes you are invited as long as you promise not to shop when with us! πŸ˜› Unless it’s for books! πŸ˜€

    @ Anju: Welcome to my blog! I must confess, I’m guilty of gossipping every now and then. *blush* Keep visiting!

    @ Subidit: Welcome to my blog! And it doesn’t matter if you didn’t know what to say…at least you identified with one thing! πŸ˜€ Keep visiting!

    @ BlueMist: Hmm…good with taxes eh? I’m not great with that. It’s like I commented before…we are all probably on a continuum of femininity and masculinity…

    @ Smita: 2 hours on gossip? Geez…I gossip too but never that much. I wish I was more extraverted to make male friends…the few I do have are introverts themselves… πŸ˜›

  • blommer22
    January 26, 2010 at 4:53 am

    hi PB,

    i think it might be just about different preferences on each person. fondness, likeness, hobbies or whatever you named it, may result in vary.

    i love to look so girly, fall in love with shoes and tons of accessories, do make over and hairdo, watched sex & the city, a bit gossiper. but it doesnt mean that i dont drink beer (not too much of this, prefer cocktails a lot), love to play pool, play guitar (a bit), love to drive so fast and not always count on the carb that i takes, love to have coffee with a full cream milk than a skimmed milk, love to talk about music, movie, silly and even serious stuffs. ok,but i really give up on several sports (like soccer, boxing and also cricket for sure) πŸ™‚

    girly girls may not always talk about make up, latest fashion trends and all those kind of things only dear. well, we do talk about a blend of sport and humour and of course, serious stuffs too.

    so why should feel like an outcast then? Or do you have any other girly girls classifications (eg. girly girls that can talk about a blend of sports, humour and serious stuffs and girly girls that cannot) ?

  • Psych Babbler
    January 29, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    Welcome Blommer! I guess like I mentioned before, it’s probably more like a continuum…from extreme femininity to extreme masculinity (for both sexes) and I reckon we all lie along that continuum. You are probably not at the extreme end of femininity like a few of my friends are, but you are closer to it than I am I guess. I hope that makes sense. πŸ™‚ So no…don’t feel like an outcast. I just wish some of my friends, as much as I love them, were on the spot as you are…so I could talk cricket at the very least! :p

  • blommer22
    February 9, 2010 at 9:02 am

    hi PB,

    well yes, nice to see this reply of yours. I am so keen to learn the meaning of continuum itself. so interesting, how this can explain variation in human behaviours.

    yes, i am not at the extreme end of feminity like some of your friends but am closer to it, i guess. hehe. so how about you ? so can you be put as not at the extreme end of masculinity but you are closer to it ?

    i really like the way you write this. superb !! πŸ™‚

  • Psych Babbler
    February 9, 2010 at 11:22 am

    Thanks for the compliment. And yes, I’d probably be a lot more towards masculinity but definitely not at the extreme end because I do like dressing up occassionally (when I go out) and look after my long hair and I’m quite emotional! =P

  • blommer22
    February 10, 2010 at 5:58 am

    owh ok, got a lil picture of continuum more clearly now. πŸ™‚

    emotional, well who doesnt anyway ?

  • Psych Babbler
    February 10, 2010 at 12:19 pm

    It would be an interesting topic to research I reckon. And who doesn’t get emotional…men?? :p

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