Just one person. For almost a decade now.
My paternal grandmother.
Yes, regular readers will have heard me whinge about her often. And new readers may think I’m callous and cold. But honest, if you knew her, you’d feel the same.
This is a woman who treated her own daughter like crap. Because she was a girl.
This is the woman who was verbally and physically abusive towards her husband when he was frail. She would hit him and call him a loser and say he wasn’t a man.
This is the woman who openly favours her older son and thinks he can do no wrong despite him living miles away from her and only visiting once every three or four years.
This is the woman who says negative things about every single person apart from that oldest son of hers [and no, I’m not exaggerating] and then wonders why people don’t visit her often.
This is the woman who has never once smiled [since I’ve been alive at least].
This is the woman who treats my mother like shit and finds fault with everything every single day and expects my father to be at her beck and call and who loathes me because I look like my mother but loves my sister because she looks like my uncle [her favoured son, remember?] and father.
This is the woman who despite living with my parents for 12 years and being a burden on them doesn’t remember their birthdays or anniversary but will remember her favoured son’s birthday and anniversary.
This is the woman who would give an Oscar-winning actor a run for their money given the way she acts like an invalid in front of my father but the minute he goes to work, she is all better.
This is the woman who lies through her teeth and then states she doesn’t lie.
This is the woman who thinks everything has to be about her and brags about how great the family line is.
This is the woman who makes negative comments on the dark skin of my mother and me and praises the lighter skin of her sons and the favoured son’s wife.
This is the woman who blames my maternal grandmother for apparently putting ideas of standing up to her into my mother’s head in the last 5 years [and I ask, why did she wait for 25 years if that was the case???].
This is the woman who has always given away saris my parents have bought for her to others and always complained that there was something wrong with it. But at the same time will brag about what her favoured son brings her from America [which is by the way, a sari].
This is the woman who created a hue and cry because my father thought of going away for a couple of weeks on holidays [after almost 10 years of no break] with my mother and sister.
This is the woman who is narcissistic. So much so when my mother’s bypass surgery was scheduled, she asked my sister that since she was going out [i.e. to the hospital] could she please exchange a sari that was bought for her?
Why am I writing this now?
Because I am worried about my parents. I don’t give a shit that the grandmother hates me because the feeling is and always has been mutual. It has never been about me. Probably because I was the only one standing up to her and her narcissistic ways.
The sad thing is my dad still doesn’t stand up to her. And it pains me to see how they have aged. My mum had to undergo a bypass surgery thanks to the stress this woman creates. After all, my mum was fit and healthy and no cholesterol problems were found. But 12 years of putting up with this woman has its effects.
For my mum it was her heart. For my dad, I don’t know. He has been having a fever lately and it hasn’t gone away yet. Because he hasn’t had time to recuperate. The grandmother too got a fever and expects him to still tend to her despite his own illness. And even though they have got some help for her, she wants it to be my parents answering her every beck and call. How is my dad supposed to get better?
What about the rest of the family, I hear you ask.
Well, they are fucked up too. They all suck up to her (read: my cousins and their families) only because they want the money after she dies. But when it comes to actually helping out at a time like this, no one wants to take responsibility.
I hear from my sister that my mum has lost weight again in the last month. She looked healthy when I was there back in June. The two times I have visited India after moving here I notice my parents looking older but the grandmother always looks all right. In fact, she seems to get fatter every time I visit. And apart from slow motor movements and slight loss of hearing which comes with old age, she is a healthy woman. My dad on the other hand looks older than his 60 years. [A friend of mine who visited after 6 years noticed it too] And mum, well, the fact that she had a bypass surgery at 52 should tell you the story.
I feel helpless. Talking to the grandmother doesn’t help. Everyone has tried it…more so after mum’s surgery…telling her she should leave and live with her favoured son. But she refuses [because his wife works and so there will be no one home to be at her beck and call] and her favoured son makes excuses to not have her too.
I am scared that one of my parents [or both] will die before the evil one dies. But I keep longing for the grandmother to die.
I used to joke with my sister — neither god in heaven nor the devil in hell want the grandmother. And so they decided to keep her on earth.
Now I’m scared it might just be true. She is that evil. That narcissistic. That self-involved. With a cutting tongue. That can never say anything positive about anyone apart from her heritage and her favoured son.
I really, really want the grandmother to die. Not because I give a damn about what she has in her will or any such stupid stuff. But because that is the only way my parents are going to have some peace without dying themselves.
Just felt like I had to vent about this. All of this.
And please, don’t bother making excuses for the grandmother…I could write a much longer post to prove to you just how twisted and vindictive and well, evil she is. But I don’t want to give her more space on this blog than I just have.
Until next time,