I am an open book. And you know what?
I don’t particularly like it.
For instance, if I dislike someone, I find it hard to be fake and sweet towards them. Don’t get me wrong. I am civil enough. But you can tell if I don’t like you. The smile on my face won’t reach my eyes. There will be a certain amount of distance possibly through my nonverbal communication.
While people who know me well can even tell when I am worried or sad or angry and even when something is wrong, those who don’t know me well enough will still have an idea. There are a couple of people at work I don’t particularly like. One is a narcissist and raves on an on about how great they are. Now I can’t stand narcissists. And I think it came across that I had a problem listening to this person rave on. Now they don’t try and brag about themselves to me but are civil enough as I am with them. So obviously, the dislike for narcissism has come through!
Recently I have been pissed off with someone else who in my opinion was very manipulative. And I am finding it verrrrrrry hard to even pretend or to smile at them [which I do with the narcissist]
It’s times like these I really wish I was good at pretending. Or at least wish that my true feelings weren’t totally written on my face for the whole world to see!
It’s also the reason why if I have problems with my friends, I’m better off being open and assertive about it rather than keep it hidden because they always figure something is wrong. By my expressions and my behaviours. On the other hand, the good thing is that things can get sorted out with people I am close to before I go the deep end of catastrophising. Plus it’s good with clients who can see me as being genuine.
I wonder though…what is it that makes some people so open and yet others are so good at hiding their true feelings and emotions…to the point where they may even stab you in the back! Is it something inherited? Like part of one’s temperament or personality. Or is it something that can be learnt? Or just something else altogether?
In the mean time though, I have to deal with a person I do not like but am not assertive enough to say so! Gah!
So…how transparent are you?
Until next time,