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Dating Diary – First edition

First and foremost, a message to my mum: Mum, I know you read my blog religiously. Can I please ask you to NOT worry about the stuff written in this series? And also to NOT bring it up when we talk. If you can’t do either, I’d recommend not reading ahead. 

So anyway, I’m not sure if some of you remember me writing last year about trying out online dating. Well, I have been. By that I mean I subscribed and I went on one date last year in July with a guy who we shall call Mr I.T dude. He was nice but I wasn’t attracted to him. He took me by surprise by asking me out to a second one and I said yes thinking one more and that’s it. I emailed him a date for when I was free but he was going to be away at the time so he said he’d contact with another date. And he didn’t. Which suited me fine. It was easier than having to tell him I wasn’t interested after the second date.

I didn’t date for a while after that. I think I just got so caught up with my fitness and life in general that while I chatted a bit with some guys online, I didn’t really take it further and meet them. Plus I have been out of the whole dating game for a while! Until the new year. If you remember, one of my resolutions this year is to get out of my comfort zone.

Let me introduce you to a guy I am going to refer to as The Writer. It’s one of the things he does on the side of his full time job. He is in his thirties and Aussie with a European background. Anyway, we exchanged a few emails about books and stuff over a two week period around the end of last year. And then he suggested meeting up as he preferred talking face to face. I said sure. Then via text, we organised a date for the Sunday before last. Unlike my plan of meeting guys the first time for coffee, he suggested dinner. And you know what? I said OK. The whole “get out of my comfort zone” thing. He sent a random but cute text the night before asking something about my writing experiences. It made me smile. And of course, I was excited about the prospect of meeting him. But the morning of the date, I was anxious. Spoke to my friend J and worried about the possibilities of having nothing to talk about over dinner and how awkward that would be! Bless her soul, she calmed me down. She was also one of the friend’s who would check up on me and see if I was OK after a couple of hours into the date.

It was a rainy and cold Sunday evening and I had left early in case of traffic. I got to the restaurant. A little early. The anxiety eating away at me. And he came in a few minutes later. And he was cute! And tall. I could tell the cuteness in the photos but not the height {I have a thing for tall guys…my ex was 6 ft}. Anyway, the date was great after my initial nerves. We talked. About books, writing, India {he’s travelled to more places than I have!}, work, families, random stuff. Just before asking for the cheque, he asked if I wanted to go out again. To watch a movie. Unlike with Mr I.T. Dude, I was eager to see The Writer again. And I said yes. And we decided to check what movie or Sydney Festival would be on that Friday. Yep. That soon. Which was OK with me. He said he’d text during the week after checking out schedules.

I possibly got a bit too neurotic and excited at the same time later that night at home. By next morning, the neuroticism took over. And it took my friends J, N, M and Amie to all offer words of advice to help calm me down. Anyway, The Writer did text me some options Monday night. And through one of the text conversations, asked around when my birthday was. Which happened to be during that week. We exchanged at least one text every day until Friday. Including a text from him wishing me for my birthday. {By the way, I get the irony that I said no to text messaging all the time in my last post! In my defence, I had written that before I met The Writer}

We met up for  dinner and a movie on Friday. Yes, the heatwave day in Sydney. {What’s with Sydney weather??} And we both wished we were at the beach instead. Conversation was great over dinner again and I liked that he made me laugh. We watched Life of Pi {great movie, by the way} and the date ended on a positive note. In that, he asked if I wanted to go to the beach on Sunday or do something else if the weather wasn’t good and we kissed. {Yes, the kiss was gooood!}

So by now, I’m sure other women out there are thinking it’s all sounding great. And it was to me. I was on Cloud 9. I liked him. We had similarities and differences. He seemed to be more of an extrovert and I thought that would do me good. I spent Saturday with my friends celebrating my birthday and then on Sunday, being very tired after a late night, caught up with The Writer for a movie in the arvo. {Yeah, crappy Sydney weather}. This time though, something was off. He had mentioned being tired too and said he found out some bad news about a friend and talked about that. But something was just awkward. The movie was good and when we parted, he said he’d text during the week to do something the following long weekend. Neurotic me worried of course. And texted my friends. Who all tried to calm me down.

Anyway, to cut a VERY long story short, I texted him on Monday asking after his friend. And I haven’t heard from him since.

Which I take to mean: OVER.

I am disappointed. I quite liked him. And there was definite chemistry.

J, N, C and Amie have all been supportive. M has been optimistic and says that I am making assumptions and there could be alternative explanations {This is what you get for having psychologists as friends!!!} But I am a realist. {Ok fine, pessimist} And to go from being in contact every day for 8 days and suddenly stopping it all tells me it’s a way of saying goodbye. I just wish he had actually said it out loud. I think it’s easier to handle that way. Why is it hard for guys to say that? 

I’m not personalising it all that much. Which I guess is a positive. And I figured I had a nice and exciting week. After all, it’s not often that I go out so often in a week!  But I fluctuate between disappointment and annoyance at The Writer. A small part of me wants to text him at the end of the weekend and ask what went wrong. That would be my anxious/control-freak part of needing to know. Sigh. That would be a bad idea, right?

So anyway, The Writer was nice in many ways. But I’m not happy with the way he ended things. Just going silent.

I wonder who else is in store through this online dating. It’s going to be an interesting journey.

Damn you The Writer! Why did I have to like you?

So that’s the first edition of Dating Diary. The one where I met and liked and lost a guy in just over a week. World record, anyone?

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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  • Reply
    Susan Deborah
    January 25, 2013 at 11:30 pm

    It was wonderful reading something real in a fiction like mode. You would make a good M and B writer 😉 Sometimes men suddenly feel the need to go into the cave and hide. It’s nothing personal, I reckon. Perhaps he might write or text. Women being women analyse too much into things.
    I admire your courage to write something so personal in a blog. I can’t ever bring myself to do that.
    Sending positivity and god luck.

    Joy always,
    Susan

    • Reply
      Psych Babbler
      January 26, 2013 at 4:15 am

      Thanks Susan! M&B…not sure if I could do the erotic stuff in this humourous way! 😛 I love your optimism that he might still write or text… 🙂 I highly doubt that. But yes, I do agree that as women we analyse and over analyse and over analyse to death! I know I have in this past week and a bit!!! I ummed and aahhed earlier today regarding writing this but it felt so cathartic that I hit the publish button. Plus there’s still the anonymity. I don’t want to hurt anyone and will not be revealing any of the guys’ names. My only worry is my mum reading this and then worrying about me! 😛 Thanks for the luck and positivity…I’m going to need both!

  • Reply
    amie0312
    January 26, 2013 at 3:00 am

    You write so well is my first thought ! Book collaboration, I suggest 🙂
    I’m waiting for more editions… And as regards the writer, maybe there’s an explanation, but if silence is the way to end things, then that’s just cowardly!
    Goodluck…and arent you lucky to have nice friends with you on this journey? (wink, wink!)

    • Reply
      Psych Babbler
      January 26, 2013 at 4:17 am

      Thank you my dear! Definitely up for a book collaboration! 😀 Haha…
      Sigh and cowardly was one thing he didn’t come across as. He seemed pretty direct and forthright which is why I’m surprised that he didn’t say something if not interested. I’m a big girl…I can handle it! And yes, I am really, honestly lucky to have great friends!! 😀 Thanks again for all the help…

  • Reply
    Chicky
    January 26, 2013 at 4:09 am

    Been there. Done that. Most Indian guys on online dating sites (even matrimonial sites, for that matter) are frauds. If your partner preference is not restricted to Indians, you’ll probably have better luck.

    • Reply
      Psych Babbler
      January 26, 2013 at 4:20 am

      Oh Chicky…he wasn’t Indian. I will make that change in the post. Somehow I don’t gel with most Indian guys because I’m too Aussie in every way. In fact it’s something I had to put on my profile that I am not affiliated with the culture apart from the food because I kept getting contacted by zillion Indian guys who if you looked at their profile didn’t have much in common with me. So both guys I have dated mentioned here (and my ex) have all been Aussies of European ethnicities.

  • Reply
    Avada Kedavra
    January 26, 2013 at 7:06 am

    I am hoping he will come back.. maybe he got caught up with something..
    Good luck and I know you will end up with someone really awesome!

    • Reply
      Psych Babbler
      January 26, 2013 at 7:50 am

      Thanks Ava! For your optimism and positivity and the wishes… 🙂 Oh and if he does come back, the only acceptable reasons for being caught up with something for so long would be an accident or being mugged or losing his phone and internet connection! 😛 Seriously though, if by some miracle he does contact, me being a sucker for punishment would probably go out again at least to find out why!

  • Reply
    Trish
    January 26, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    I loved reading this post..reminded me of the days,when I was still single:) (GAWD! now I feel old!LOL!) But, seriously,I think you had something going..with the writer..and I think,the silence might have to do with the bad news.. I wouldn’t text him,but wait for him to text..but thats personally me.. If I could write an ending to this story,he would turn up with a week old stubble and big bunch of red roses,saying,how he’s missed you! xx

    • Reply
      Psych Babbler
      January 26, 2013 at 12:31 pm

      Haha…oh Trish! Thanks so much for making me smile and then laugh out loud 😀 I loved your ending…if that or something similar happens, I’m sending you a gift for sure! It would have had to be because of your positive vibes! But yeah, I probably won’t text him at the moment. For one thing I’ll probably come across as being desperate and not having a life neither of which I want to send a vibe out about. Although maybe a week or two later, I might be tempted to text/email if I haven’t heard anything. Just with a “it was nice but I wish you had said it was over than just going the silent route…” kind of message. Oh well. Thanks again for your optimism!

      • Reply
        Trish
        January 26, 2013 at 1:15 pm

        Ohh sending more positive vibes!!I soo want that gift! But seriously..the silence irritated me too.. its like you are left hanging.. I would be tempted to send that too..after a week or two.. but lets cross that bridge when we get there!
        xx

        • Reply
          Psych Babbler
          January 30, 2013 at 7:21 pm

          Thanks Trish! 🙂 And I’ve drafted a text message but haven’t sent it yet. Still contemplating whether or not to do so!

          • Trish
            February 1, 2013 at 7:47 pm

            Take all the time you want and send it only when you are sure..Xx

          • Trish
            February 1, 2013 at 7:48 pm

            BTW,did your Mum ask anything,yet?

  • Reply
    NS
    January 27, 2013 at 6:57 am

    I am sure it is more annoyance / frustration / helplessness than anything else. How could he just leave things hanging??? Ugh.. Never mind, Move on. By experience I say, some things / people leave your life to make way for better things / people..

    • Reply
      Psych Babbler
      January 28, 2013 at 7:39 pm

      Tell me about it NS! Pisses me off! Oh well…I hope you are right about it making way for better things/people. Except, I still can’t get over how cute he was!

      • Reply
        NS
        January 29, 2013 at 5:29 pm

        Ohhhh, I can imagine the heartburn and anxiety.. But guess what, time will heal it !

        • Reply
          Psych Babbler
          January 30, 2013 at 7:21 pm

          Thanks NS…I think after reflecting a bit more, maybe the ideas I created in my head make it harder to heal. So I’m going to be realistic and be healed sooner rather than later…

  • Reply
    Little Fingers
    January 27, 2013 at 6:21 pm

    My 5year old ex boyfriend did that to me,he went silent, he contacted me after 7 years to say sorry for his actions, well I had forgiven him and moved on but I haven’t forgotten . All I can say is he is not someone you need on long run..Hope this helps.

    • Reply
      Psych Babbler
      January 28, 2013 at 7:41 pm

      Oh man!! LF, after a 5 year relationship, that’s just unforgiveable! At least with The Writer, he only knew me for over a week. After a 5 year relationship, I’d expect the person to have the balls to let me know they want to end it for sure! But yes, I get what you mean when you say he isn’t someone I need in the long run…it is an indication of the kind of character of the person and in his case, shows he’s not the best communicator. Which is very important in a relationship. Thanks!

  • Reply
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    January 29, 2013 at 9:45 am

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  • Reply
    R's Mom
    January 29, 2013 at 8:55 pm

    Okay I will be really honest and admit, that I thought you were writing a fiction story and wanted to demand why you need to warn your mom!

    But seriously, its saachimein eh?

    Funnily, I have never dated in my life so I really dont know what to say..may be someone better is waiting or may be The Writer is just too busy?

    • Reply
      Psych Babbler
      January 30, 2013 at 7:19 pm

      😆 RM you are way too cute! Yes, it’s completely true. And no my dear, I’m not as optimistic as you are. If someone hasn’t had the courtesy to contact you in this long, they are either in an accident (which as I said is the only excuse I’m willing to forgive him for) or don’t value you enough to maintain a relationship — friendship or otherwise.

  • Reply
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