Life lessons

Should I stay or should I go

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Back in 2011, I faced this very question: should I stay or should I go? Should I call it quits on this relationship?

I had been with R for 18 months after we had another go at the relationship after a 12 month break. Things felt different the second time around. We talked about our earlier mistakes and how to prevent it from occurring this time around. It was all good in theory. And worked quite well while we saw each other only on weekends. 6 months after living together, things started to get difficult.

Now, I know relationships aren’t meant to be easy. But I doubt they were meant to be that difficult! For starters, we weren’t intimate anymore. No cuddles, rare hand-holding moments, even rarer kisses. Then there were the disagreements. It felt like if one of us had an opinion, the other just had to disagree. I wondered if this was just us testing one another to see who would break first and call it quits. Around December 2011, I began to seriously contemplate whether I should stay in the relationship. It was after yet another fight due to not getting any kind of sympathy after having a day of allergies and being told something along the lines of “don’t pass on your germs”. I went to bed in tears with Pebbles curled at my feet.

There were other things bothering me as well. Like how unsupportive he had been when a manager back then thought I was management material. When I excitedly shared the news with him, he thought it was a bad thing. Because apparently, only a certain kind of person wants a management role. {Let’s not even get into the fact that I was just excited that someone thought I was capable and hadn’t contemplated management ever!} Or how when I’d talk about a hard day at work with a difficult client, he’d try and one-up me with his difficult client {Note to self: never date another psychologist!}.

But a certain fear kept me in the relationship. Even though I think deep down I knew it was dead.

Few days into 2012, he brought up “we need to talk”. “Here we go,” I thought and mentally prepared myself. I let him have the first go. Turned out, breaking up was far from his mind! He was noticing the lack of closeness and wanted to work on that and decided that we should do something special rather than just go through the motions. Damn. So much for preparing myself for a break-up. When it came to my turn, I couldn’t do it. Not after what was said.

Things were okay for about a week. But I think I knew I had to go. I just had to find the right time. January was my birthday and February was his. So I figured the timing wasn’t right. And then I adopted Buttons. Because yes, bringing another cat really strengthens the relationship. Not. If anything, it made me realise just how critical and unsupportive he could be if we were to ever have kids. And after a week of no sleep and stress, I decided. Screw good timing. This had to end.

He was shocked when I ended it and it surprised me that he thought things were going well.

It was still sad when he left and I worried about how I’d cope. But two years on, it has been the best decision of my life. The Ex was stifling me and I became who he wanted me to be.

I have grown so much in the past two years that it’s incredible. I am still single but content with my life.

Personally, I think when you start to question if you should stay or go, you already know the answer.

What do you reckon?

photo credit: Zylenia via photopin cc

***Linking with Yeah Write for their Weekly Writing Challenge***

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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  • Reply
    Rajlakshmi
    July 30, 2014 at 11:09 pm

    I am glad you are happy and that you stood by your decision. I know how it feels to know that the decision you took was the right one. Ups and downs are a part of relationship, but when relationship changes one’s whole existence, then it’s time to think. Hope love finds your way soon 🙂
    Rajlakshmi recently posted…Drabble: The MarkMy Profile

  • Reply
    Rajlakshmi
    July 30, 2014 at 11:09 pm

    I am glad you are happy and that you stood by your decision. I know how it feels to know that the decision you took was the right one. Ups and downs are a part of relationship, but when relationship changes one’s whole existence, then it’s time to think. Hope love finds your way soon 🙂
    Rajlakshmi recently posted…Drabble: The MarkMy Profile

  • Reply
    Shilpa Garg
    July 30, 2014 at 11:15 pm

    Yes, when thoughts like these crowd your mind, you know it that it is time to move on. Because in a happy and a satisfying relationship such thoughts would never come near you!
    Shilpa Garg recently posted…Wordless Wednesday – 102My Profile

  • Reply
    Shilpa Garg
    July 30, 2014 at 11:15 pm

    Yes, when thoughts like these crowd your mind, you know it that it is time to move on. Because in a happy and a satisfying relationship such thoughts would never come near you!
    Shilpa Garg recently posted…Wordless Wednesday – 102My Profile

  • Reply
    lovehappynotes
    July 31, 2014 at 3:24 am

    Congratulations on having the courage to leave, and living a much happier life with Pebbles and Buttons. 🙂
    lovehappynotes recently posted…FlapdoodleMy Profile

  • Reply
    lovehappynotes
    July 31, 2014 at 3:24 am

    Congratulations on having the courage to leave, and living a much happier life with Pebbles and Buttons. 🙂
    lovehappynotes recently posted…FlapdoodleMy Profile

  • Reply
    Michelle
    July 31, 2014 at 3:54 am

    This was really well-written and heart wrenching. Your last line says it all. Brave and vulnerable take on the prompt. xo
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  • Reply
    Michelle
    July 31, 2014 at 3:54 am

    This was really well-written and heart wrenching. Your last line says it all. Brave and vulnerable take on the prompt. xo
    Michelle recently posted…Unpolished and Earthy (Blog Tour)My Profile

  • Reply
    vishalbheeroo
    July 31, 2014 at 3:55 am

    Sometimes, when relationships stifle us, we need to move on for our own well being. One should never lose their individuality, I believe. You too the right decision:)

    http://vishal-newkidontheblock.blogspot.com/2014/07/an-orkut-love-story-chapter-30.html
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  • Reply
    vishalbheeroo
    July 31, 2014 at 3:55 am

    Sometimes, when relationships stifle us, we need to move on for our own well being. One should never lose their individuality, I believe. You too the right decision:)

    http://vishal-newkidontheblock.blogspot.com/2014/07/an-orkut-love-story-chapter-30.html
    vishalbheeroo recently posted…Charmer at my window sillMy Profile

  • Reply
    Hugzilla
    July 31, 2014 at 7:52 am

    Aaaah, the dreaded “we need to talk”. The four most ominous words in the English language. I’m a big believer in following your gut instinct, even when you are able to rationalise something in your head. I’m glad the decision has been a positive one for you!
    Hugzilla recently posted…Three Things I Swore I Would NEVER Do…And Did Them AnywayMy Profile

  • Reply
    Hugzilla
    July 31, 2014 at 7:52 am

    Aaaah, the dreaded “we need to talk”. The four most ominous words in the English language. I’m a big believer in following your gut instinct, even when you are able to rationalise something in your head. I’m glad the decision has been a positive one for you!
    Hugzilla recently posted…Three Things I Swore I Would NEVER Do…And Did Them AnywayMy Profile

  • Reply
    TNKerr
    July 31, 2014 at 8:14 am

    You are wise beyond your tender years, Sanch. You summed it up nicely!

  • Reply
    TNKerr
    July 31, 2014 at 8:14 am

    You are wise beyond your tender years, Sanch. You summed it up nicely!

  • Reply
    Marcy
    July 31, 2014 at 9:19 am

    That sounds like it was a hard decision, but I’m glad to hear it was the right one for you.
    Marcy recently posted…Waters of IndifferenceMy Profile

  • Reply
    Marcy
    July 31, 2014 at 9:19 am

    That sounds like it was a hard decision, but I’m glad to hear it was the right one for you.
    Marcy recently posted…Waters of IndifferenceMy Profile

  • Reply
    Zita
    July 31, 2014 at 6:18 pm

    Oh I agree… I think I stayed in my last relationship too long, mostly because I feared what would happen if I left. Looking back now I can see how emotionally and mentally abusive he was.. Hindsight’s a great thing
    Zita recently posted…to share some Sydney holiday picsMy Profile

  • Reply
    Zita
    July 31, 2014 at 6:18 pm

    Oh I agree… I think I stayed in my last relationship too long, mostly because I feared what would happen if I left. Looking back now I can see how emotionally and mentally abusive he was.. Hindsight’s a great thing
    Zita recently posted…to share some Sydney holiday picsMy Profile

  • Reply
    Janet aka Middle Aged Mama
    July 31, 2014 at 7:51 pm

    Sounds like Buttons is a much better companion!
    Janet aka Middle Aged Mama recently posted…What I Wore: JulyMy Profile

  • Reply
    Janet aka Middle Aged Mama
    July 31, 2014 at 7:51 pm

    Sounds like Buttons is a much better companion!
    Janet aka Middle Aged Mama recently posted…What I Wore: JulyMy Profile

  • Reply
    The month that was July 2014 | Living my Imperfect Life
    August 1, 2014 at 7:00 am

    […] thanks to some prompts and some thoughts in my head, I shared my biggest fear and coincidentally, the end of the relationship with The Ex back in 2012. Yes, it was one I stayed in far longer than I should […]

  • Reply
    The month that was July 2014 | Living my Imperfect Life
    August 1, 2014 at 7:00 am

    […] thanks to some prompts and some thoughts in my head, I shared my biggest fear and coincidentally, the end of the relationship with The Ex back in 2012. Yes, it was one I stayed in far longer than I should […]

  • Reply
    Suzy
    August 1, 2014 at 9:12 am

    Yep, when in doubt, get out! Good decision.
    Suzy recently posted…UBC Jul 31 – Don’t Quit NowMy Profile

  • Reply
    Suzy
    August 1, 2014 at 9:12 am

    Yep, when in doubt, get out! Good decision.
    Suzy recently posted…UBC Jul 31 – Don’t Quit NowMy Profile

  • Reply
    J.Gi Federizo
    August 1, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    “I think when you start to question if you should stay or go, you already know the answer.”

    IMHO, I think that first, it’s really time to take a good look at the relationship, the pros and cons, and if the pros, regardless of whether they outnumber the cons, would really be enough reasons to stay. The best clue in this process is if you find yourself trying to find more reasons to go, and especially if thoughts of staying gives you the creepy kind of feeling. This was your own clue: “But a certain fear kept me in the relationship. Even though I think deep down I knew it was DEAD.”

    That said, glad to know you feel and live much better now. Shows that was the right decision. I commend you for the courage. I’m sure it wasn’t easy at all. After every major decision, there are uncertainties that usually haunt us until we know for sure we chose right.
    J.Gi Federizo recently posted…No Questions AskedMy Profile

  • Reply
    J.Gi Federizo
    August 1, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    “I think when you start to question if you should stay or go, you already know the answer.”

    IMHO, I think that first, it’s really time to take a good look at the relationship, the pros and cons, and if the pros, regardless of whether they outnumber the cons, would really be enough reasons to stay. The best clue in this process is if you find yourself trying to find more reasons to go, and especially if thoughts of staying gives you the creepy kind of feeling. This was your own clue: “But a certain fear kept me in the relationship. Even though I think deep down I knew it was DEAD.”

    That said, glad to know you feel and live much better now. Shows that was the right decision. I commend you for the courage. I’m sure it wasn’t easy at all. After every major decision, there are uncertainties that usually haunt us until we know for sure we chose right.
    J.Gi Federizo recently posted…No Questions AskedMy Profile

  • Reply
    my white picket life
    August 2, 2014 at 4:17 pm

    This was a personal story for you to share. I’m glad you did- it’s helpful to hear about others’ experiences. “He was shocked when I ended it and it surprised me that he thought things were going well.” I always think it is interesting how two people can experience the same relationship so differently! So glad you figured out the right decision for yourself.

    my white picket life recently posted…birthday cakeMy Profile

  • Reply
    my white picket life
    August 2, 2014 at 4:17 pm

    This was a personal story for you to share. I’m glad you did- it’s helpful to hear about others’ experiences. “He was shocked when I ended it and it surprised me that he thought things were going well.” I always think it is interesting how two people can experience the same relationship so differently! So glad you figured out the right decision for yourself.

    my white picket life recently posted…birthday cakeMy Profile

  • Reply
    Grace
    August 3, 2014 at 6:39 pm

    Oh, boom! That last sentence just nails it! While a relationship has its ups and downs but if it gets to a point where you’re questioning its longevity, there needs to be some serious assessing. So great that you’ve learned so much from this experience and can now reflect as well as see how much strength you’ve gained.
    Grace recently posted…FYBF – The Nutbush City Limits EditionMy Profile

  • Reply
    Grace
    August 3, 2014 at 6:39 pm

    Oh, boom! That last sentence just nails it! While a relationship has its ups and downs but if it gets to a point where you’re questioning its longevity, there needs to be some serious assessing. So great that you’ve learned so much from this experience and can now reflect as well as see how much strength you’ve gained.
    Grace recently posted…FYBF – The Nutbush City Limits EditionMy Profile

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