Life

Goodbye 2015

As we near the end of 2015, I am mostly filled with relief. I feel like the new year might bring with it a fresh start and the hope of better things to come. 2015 hasn’t been an easy year. I guess it was due though, given 2013 and 2014 were quite good years.

2015 started off reasonably well as I was hiking in Tasmania. The hike itself was 50-50 but the rest of the trip in January through Hobart, Tassie and Bright were pretty damn good. I returned and turned 31. Work was still stressful and not much changed.

I attempted FebFast in February and while I managed to raise about $500, I was glad to get back to drinking! I started my second semester of uni and continued to enjoy my learning. Feb also marked 10 years since I landed here in Australia.

In March, I booked my tickets for my trip to Canada and the US. I also said goodbye to a good friend and colleague. I kinda crashed emotionally towards the end of the month and I guess it was a sign of things to come. I also bought myself an iPhone, thereby moving over completely to Apple.

I signed up to the A to Z Challenge in April and enjoyed myself with limericks on phobias.  I found out about phobias like Zeusophobia to Gamophobia to more serious ones like Xenophobia.

Around May, I had a pretty bad setback emotionally. The cracks started to show after this trigger. I didn’t blog about it until much later. In the mean time though, I tried to cope by writing or going on mindful walks. I struggled with self-doubt more so with writing but also in general.

In June, I set off on a month long trip to Canada and the U.S. I visited San Francisco first and then headed to Toronto to see my sister and my uncle and his family. My parents also joined us and I enjoyed exploring other Canadian cities with them.

I got back home to Sydney in July and tried to get back into the swing of things. I still felt an itch for change. The holidays were good but my mood still wasn’t great and work  was still stressing me out.

In August, my mood continued to deteriorate and I tried things like being present or buying flowers but to no avail. Even an anniversary weekend at Hyams beach or a day trip to Kiama didn’t help all that much.

When September came, I started joining in on a weekly link up on 10 things that made me happy. It was to try and help me see the silver linings among the clouds that seemed to be getting darker. I was able to also reflect on other things in my past such as my childhood playing with dolls and soccer or cricket, me moving out of home and just how competitive I can be. However, the darkness kept engulfing me as I thought about how I find it so hard to trust people because of being let down so many times.

I had started seeing a therapist by October and while it was helping, I was still struggling to find my way. I think just being busy meant my mind was constantly in turmoil. By then though, I was just waiting for the end of uni. The end of the course.

In November, I had finished uni for good and had handed in all my assignments. I tried NaNoWriMo but somehow, lost my mojo to write after a week. Unfortunately, this spilled over to my blog and even though I had ideas, the posts just wouldn’t come. I was also preoccupied by a job offer I got at the start of the month but waiting for all the paperwork to arrive. It finally did arrive and I was able to tell my manager about it. I started seeing some light in terms of new beginnings.

Finally, this past month of December has been pretty shitty. Firstly, Mr Imperfect got told his contract was not going to be renewed. Given that I just resigned from a secure job to start a new one in the new year, the timing was horrible. The negativity at work has been getting me down as has the stress at home. And my moods have been foul. I am easily teary and angry all at once. I’m not good at asking for help and have been putting on a mask for the world. But I’m exhausted.

I feel like my self-confidence took a beating in 2015. Thanks to those few setbacks which triggered my issues with trust, I have struggled immensely. My mental health has been pretty fragile and I’ve been at breaking point more often than not. Therapy is good but it takes time. Exercise helps but not always. The beach saves me but not all the time. Unfortunately, I haven’t been strong enough to reach out to friends or family for help. I am too afraid of being let down. Again.

So you know what? I’m not sad to see the end of 2015. I can only hope that 2016 will be better with fewer tears and less heartache and pain.

How about you? How was your 2015? 

Do share!

***Linking with Write Tribe and Corinne for Monday Musings and Alicia for Open Slather***

Until next time,

SANCH_sig1

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  • Srinidhi
    December 28, 2015 at 11:28 am

    Awww. Seems like we both had pretty shitty years. I know what you mean by not reaching out. I have similar issues.. plus so many road blocks in therapy this year too. I’m physically as exhausted as mentally.. but we keep on swimming, I guess 🙂
    I am glad to see 2015 end.. 2016 I hope is kinder.. to you as well. <3

    • Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life
      January 1, 2016 at 7:54 pm

      You’re right about keeping on swimming…that’s what I tell myself often! Gotta love Dory — such a wise fish! 😀

  • Srinidhi
    December 28, 2015 at 11:28 am

    Awww. Seems like we both had pretty shitty years. I know what you mean by not reaching out. I have similar issues.. plus so many road blocks in therapy this year too. I’m physically as exhausted as mentally.. but we keep on swimming, I guess 🙂
    I am glad to see 2015 end.. 2016 I hope is kinder.. to you as well. <3

    • Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life
      January 1, 2016 at 7:54 pm

      You’re right about keeping on swimming…that’s what I tell myself often! Gotta love Dory — such a wise fish! 😀

  • Zita
    December 28, 2015 at 11:41 am

    It certainly seems it has been a roller coaster. Mine has been much the same. Seems for me 2015 was a journey but unfortunately it seems I was in the road to nowhere, or at least I am not sure of its destination just yet… Time will tell for both of us.
    Zita recently posted…2015 Round UpMy Profile

    • Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life
      January 2, 2016 at 10:49 am

      I think sometimes the journey takes a lot longer than we expect. It seems to me that life is a learning curve. I’m not certain if we ever get to the destination.
      Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life recently posted…Hello 2016My Profile

  • Zita
    December 28, 2015 at 11:41 am

    It certainly seems it has been a roller coaster. Mine has been much the same. Seems for me 2015 was a journey but unfortunately it seems I was in the road to nowhere, or at least I am not sure of its destination just yet… Time will tell for both of us.
    Zita recently posted…2015 Round UpMy Profile

    • Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life
      January 2, 2016 at 10:49 am

      I think sometimes the journey takes a lot longer than we expect. It seems to me that life is a learning curve. I’m not certain if we ever get to the destination.
      Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life recently posted…Hello 2016My Profile

  • Shantala
    December 28, 2015 at 4:22 pm

    I am sorry you had such a difficult year. We all have the good years and the not-so-great ones, but we get through them, and live in hope. Hope of better things to come, and they do. I wish the next year brings a lot of happiness and light into your life. Hugs.<3
    Shantala recently posted…On Reading Goals – 3 things to keep in mind while setting reading goals.My Profile

  • Shantala
    December 28, 2015 at 4:22 pm

    I am sorry you had such a difficult year. We all have the good years and the not-so-great ones, but we get through them, and live in hope. Hope of better things to come, and they do. I wish the next year brings a lot of happiness and light into your life. Hugs.<3
    Shantala recently posted…On Reading Goals – 3 things to keep in mind while setting reading goals.My Profile

  • Roshan R
    December 28, 2015 at 4:27 pm

    After a brilliant 2014, 2015 was pretty average for me. Yes, there were a few plus points but overall, I too felt I had taken a few steps back and will need to find my way abck in 2-16. Cheers to the end of this one and hoping for a better 2016 for us all.

  • Roshan R
    December 28, 2015 at 4:27 pm

    After a brilliant 2014, 2015 was pretty average for me. Yes, there were a few plus points but overall, I too felt I had taken a few steps back and will need to find my way abck in 2-16. Cheers to the end of this one and hoping for a better 2016 for us all.

  • Parul
    December 28, 2015 at 5:51 pm

    I wish you have a great 2016 and may it bring the best for you both. When low times come in my life, I tell myself that it can’t go much lower so now will be the time for the tide to turn. Hugs and honest wishes for a great start for you and then a fabulous 2016.
    Parul recently posted…That lunch today..My Profile

    • Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life
      January 2, 2016 at 3:32 pm

      Thanks Parul, you won’t believe that I did try and tell myself it can’t go any lower but then I realised it probably could — someone could die! So for now, I’m just going to hope things will get better at some point. I’m going to have to make it happen.

  • Parul
    December 28, 2015 at 5:51 pm

    I wish you have a great 2016 and may it bring the best for you both. When low times come in my life, I tell myself that it can’t go much lower so now will be the time for the tide to turn. Hugs and honest wishes for a great start for you and then a fabulous 2016.
    Parul recently posted…That lunch today..My Profile

    • Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life
      January 2, 2016 at 3:32 pm

      Thanks Parul, you won’t believe that I did try and tell myself it can’t go any lower but then I realised it probably could — someone could die! So for now, I’m just going to hope things will get better at some point. I’m going to have to make it happen.

  • Corinne Rodrigues
    December 28, 2015 at 7:49 pm

    What I loved about your sharing is how aware you are of yourself and your emotions, Sanch. I know you will find inner resources to make 2016 a wonderful year. Wishing you the very best in your new job and every other aspect of your life! ♥
    Corinne Rodrigues recently posted…20 Small Ways To Make 2016 More Meaningful #MondayMusingsMy Profile

  • Corinne Rodrigues
    December 28, 2015 at 7:49 pm

    What I loved about your sharing is how aware you are of yourself and your emotions, Sanch. I know you will find inner resources to make 2016 a wonderful year. Wishing you the very best in your new job and every other aspect of your life! ♥
    Corinne Rodrigues recently posted…20 Small Ways To Make 2016 More Meaningful #MondayMusingsMy Profile

  • Vasantha Vivek
    December 28, 2015 at 9:22 pm

    Wonderful recap of 2015.

  • Vasantha Vivek
    December 28, 2015 at 9:22 pm

    Wonderful recap of 2015.

  • Alicia
    December 28, 2015 at 11:16 pm

    My year was average. So many challenges I have faced and overcome, but new ones rearing their ugly head. I am hoping the stress I am going through now will be over early next year and I can get on with a positive year. I am so looking forward to it. I need a win. Whatever, I am stronger and wiser than I was yesterday and can’t help but feel that life is preparing me for something bigger.
    Best wishes for your new year, I do hope it is a better one for you xx
    Alicia recently posted…Our ChristmasMy Profile

  • Alicia
    December 28, 2015 at 11:16 pm

    My year was average. So many challenges I have faced and overcome, but new ones rearing their ugly head. I am hoping the stress I am going through now will be over early next year and I can get on with a positive year. I am so looking forward to it. I need a win. Whatever, I am stronger and wiser than I was yesterday and can’t help but feel that life is preparing me for something bigger.
    Best wishes for your new year, I do hope it is a better one for you xx
    Alicia recently posted…Our ChristmasMy Profile

  • Ashleigh - mymeow.com.au
    December 30, 2015 at 1:48 pm

    Great recap. Bring on 2016. I hope a new job, new year brings positive change for you. I will look forward to reading, and hope for a human meet up with you in the new year.
    Ashleigh – mymeow.com.au recently posted…Meow Review: The Lobster MovieMy Profile

  • Ashleigh - mymeow.com.au
    December 30, 2015 at 1:48 pm

    Great recap. Bring on 2016. I hope a new job, new year brings positive change for you. I will look forward to reading, and hope for a human meet up with you in the new year.
    Ashleigh – mymeow.com.au recently posted…Meow Review: The Lobster MovieMy Profile

  • Vidya Sury
    January 2, 2016 at 4:39 am

    Hugs to you, Sanch. Your review is full of wisdom. Wishing you bright new beginnings in 2016 and all that you wish for.
    Vidya Sury recently posted…My Growing Gratitude Circle #TalesOf2015My Profile

  • Vidya Sury
    January 2, 2016 at 4:39 am

    Hugs to you, Sanch. Your review is full of wisdom. Wishing you bright new beginnings in 2016 and all that you wish for.
    Vidya Sury recently posted…My Growing Gratitude Circle #TalesOf2015My Profile

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