Life lessons

Reaching out

When things get tough, I try and handle it all. I am responsible. I was always taught to be. Maybe it comes from being the eldest child. Maybe it’s just my personality. After eleven years of living on my own, cherishing my independence, paving my path, it has become harder and harder to depend on anyone. When things get really tough, I pull back from asking for help. Because somehow, somewhere I think I’ve failed if I have to ask for help. After all, I’m independent. I’m responsible. I’m strong.

The thing is though, deep down, I do want help. I want some people to help but I don’t know how to ask. And sometimes, even when they ask me what I want, I say I don’t know. But maybe I do. Deep down, maybe I do.

While talking to my therapist a week ago, I realised how closed off I’ve become. I always thought I was an open person. To an extent, I am. But turns out, even when people can see I am struggling, I put on a mask and avoid. I grow distant. I shy away. I’d rather hang out with people who don’t know me well enough because I can easily fake it. Everything can remain superficial. I don’t have to really connect.

This weekend, I had a moment. A moment where I realised how alone I could be if I don’t reach out. I realised just how much I’d pulled away from a lot of friends. I realised how I’m pulling away from my family too. There were only a couple of friends, my therapist, my supervisor and my GP who really knew what was going on for me. That’s a really lonely feeling.

And so, I did something about it. I reached out. I messaged some of my friends about my depression and explained why I have been distant. I caught up with another over coffee. I messaged my supervisor about a tiny rant like she asked me to.

You know what? My world didn’t end from asking for help.

It got better.

My friends who I’d been distant from rang me and caught up with me for dinner. We talked about stuff to do with hiking, camping and life. My other friend, who is a psychologist too, listened. Really listened. She validated my feelings and helped. My supervisor rang me as a friend to chat about my rant. We had laughs thanks to her droll humour.

While there is always that niggling fear of being weak and more so, of being rejected and let down if I reach out, I am trying to push past that. Because everyone can offer help in their own way. The depression has obviously not gone away but I’ve realised I’m not going to let it win. I can’t. Because if it wins, I end up alone in life. I have to reach out. I have to push through.

Yes, I spend my days helping kids and teens. But sometimes, I need help too.

And that’s okay.

When was the last time you reached out? 

Do share!

***Linking with Jess for IBOT and Mackenzie for MG***

Until next time,

SANCH_sig1

 

 

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  • Vinay Leo R.
    May 17, 2016 at 9:27 pm

    I somehow relate to this, Babby. I’ve pulled away from a lot of friends too, become distant. I’m glad that you stayed strong and reached out, and that those friends who you had distanced yourself from understood and caught up with you. Friends make a lot of difference in our life.

  • Vinay Leo R.
    May 17, 2016 at 9:27 pm

    I somehow relate to this, Babby. I’ve pulled away from a lot of friends too, become distant. I’m glad that you stayed strong and reached out, and that those friends who you had distanced yourself from understood and caught up with you. Friends make a lot of difference in our life.

  • Shailaja Vishwanath
    May 17, 2016 at 9:30 pm

    I leapt in joy when I saw this pop up in my inbox! I am so so glad that you reached out for help when you did. That’s the most difficult step, in my opinion. And I can identify so much with being the eldest and not wanting to ask for help even when I am down and depressed. I’ve learnt to let that go albeit slowly over the years and have one or two close friends who can pull me up no matter how I feel.

    You’ve got some wonderful people in your corner, Sanch and I’m glad you reached out. I know I am repeating myself but this is so gratifying . Yes, you CAN beat this thing. I know you can!
    Shailaja Vishwanath recently posted…Yes, you do have a purposeMy Profile

  • Shailaja Vishwanath
    May 17, 2016 at 9:30 pm

    I leapt in joy when I saw this pop up in my inbox! I am so so glad that you reached out for help when you did. That’s the most difficult step, in my opinion. And I can identify so much with being the eldest and not wanting to ask for help even when I am down and depressed. I’ve learnt to let that go albeit slowly over the years and have one or two close friends who can pull me up no matter how I feel.

    You’ve got some wonderful people in your corner, Sanch and I’m glad you reached out. I know I am repeating myself but this is so gratifying . Yes, you CAN beat this thing. I know you can!
    Shailaja Vishwanath recently posted…Yes, you do have a purposeMy Profile

  • Nabanita
    May 17, 2016 at 10:03 pm

    In many ways, I’m like you.. I try to keep it all in but my sister somehow knows and forces me to rant.. And S too.. But I too find it extremely difficult to ask for help.. It’s like I have to do everything on my own… Anyways, you did the right thing.. Reaching out is not a sign of weakness and I’m happy that you won’t let the depression win.. Always a message away, Sanch.. Take care ?

  • Nabanita
    May 17, 2016 at 10:03 pm

    In many ways, I’m like you.. I try to keep it all in but my sister somehow knows and forces me to rant.. And S too.. But I too find it extremely difficult to ask for help.. It’s like I have to do everything on my own… Anyways, you did the right thing.. Reaching out is not a sign of weakness and I’m happy that you won’t let the depression win.. Always a message away, Sanch.. Take care ?

  • Parul
    May 17, 2016 at 11:15 pm

    I am an ambivert – while on certain things I can talk about freely, I can’t talk about myself. I end up crying and then I need my time. I confide in VT a lot but at some places, I prefer being left by myself.
    I am so glad you are reaching out. You can beat it all and know that even miles apart there are people who are willing to lend an ear and help you.
    Parul recently posted…A TweetUp this SundayMy Profile

  • Parul
    May 17, 2016 at 11:15 pm

    I am an ambivert – while on certain things I can talk about freely, I can’t talk about myself. I end up crying and then I need my time. I confide in VT a lot but at some places, I prefer being left by myself.
    I am so glad you are reaching out. You can beat it all and know that even miles apart there are people who are willing to lend an ear and help you.
    Parul recently posted…A TweetUp this SundayMy Profile

  • Dashy
    May 17, 2016 at 11:49 pm

    I always assumed that the smaller the group of people you get close with, the better you can cope. But then I realized that it is quite baseless to pull away from the ones who are willing to help and support us. It is amazing how much reaching out can boost our mood.
    Dashy recently posted…You Left Without A WordMy Profile

  • Dashy
    May 17, 2016 at 11:49 pm

    I always assumed that the smaller the group of people you get close with, the better you can cope. But then I realized that it is quite baseless to pull away from the ones who are willing to help and support us. It is amazing how much reaching out can boost our mood.
    Dashy recently posted…You Left Without A WordMy Profile

  • Ankita
    May 18, 2016 at 1:39 am

    Opening up really opens up a whole new world, doesn’t it? Realizing that there are people who would perform many acts of kindness just to make you smile. I am glad that you have discovered this new world of many promises.

  • Ankita
    May 18, 2016 at 1:39 am

    Opening up really opens up a whole new world, doesn’t it? Realizing that there are people who would perform many acts of kindness just to make you smile. I am glad that you have discovered this new world of many promises.

  • Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid
    May 18, 2016 at 2:06 am

    Asking for help is a sign of strength and needing help is not a sign of weakness. How awesome are you asking for help when you needed it most? I bet your friends and supervisor appreciated you reaching out and are happy to help you out too.

  • Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid
    May 18, 2016 at 2:06 am

    Asking for help is a sign of strength and needing help is not a sign of weakness. How awesome are you asking for help when you needed it most? I bet your friends and supervisor appreciated you reaching out and are happy to help you out too.

  • Cheryl @ ReimerandRuby
    May 18, 2016 at 3:10 am

    I’m the same personality as you, I always try to keep things to myself, don’t want to share things to everyone. However, I’m a bit lucky to have a husband whom I can to talk with when I’m having emotional issues. I think reaching out to people helps a lot, it lightens the burden a little. I’m glad you have reached out to people, I’m sure they appreciated it. #mg

  • Cheryl @ ReimerandRuby
    May 18, 2016 at 3:10 am

    I’m the same personality as you, I always try to keep things to myself, don’t want to share things to everyone. However, I’m a bit lucky to have a husband whom I can to talk with when I’m having emotional issues. I think reaching out to people helps a lot, it lightens the burden a little. I’m glad you have reached out to people, I’m sure they appreciated it. #mg

  • Ashleigh My Meow
    May 18, 2016 at 7:42 am

    Have you thought about trying medication? Was wondering if it is something you would consider. It made a huge difference to me. I felt like everything was hard and I didn’t want to see anyone.
    Ashleigh My Meow recently posted…The RunwayMy Profile

    • Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life
      May 18, 2016 at 8:29 am

      I actually did 2 weeks ago but the side effects were so bad after a couple of days I stopped it. Will message you privately to talk more about it

  • Ashleigh My Meow
    May 18, 2016 at 7:42 am

    Have you thought about trying medication? Was wondering if it is something you would consider. It made a huge difference to me. I felt like everything was hard and I didn’t want to see anyone.
    Ashleigh My Meow recently posted…The RunwayMy Profile

    • Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life
      May 18, 2016 at 8:29 am

      I actually did 2 weeks ago but the side effects were so bad after a couple of days I stopped it. Will message you privately to talk more about it

  • Mackenzie Glanville
    May 18, 2016 at 1:41 pm

    Depression can be so consuming and it makes it hard to reach out, I am so proud of you for reaching out! Keep doing that, keep communicating and letting people into your life, much love xx
    Mackenzie Glanville recently posted…Welcome home darling, here are your slippers. NOT!My Profile

  • Mackenzie Glanville
    May 18, 2016 at 1:41 pm

    Depression can be so consuming and it makes it hard to reach out, I am so proud of you for reaching out! Keep doing that, keep communicating and letting people into your life, much love xx
    Mackenzie Glanville recently posted…Welcome home darling, here are your slippers. NOT!My Profile

  • Min@WriteoftheMiddle
    May 18, 2016 at 2:09 pm

    I’m so glad you reached out and opened up Sanch! I can tend to close up and withdraw too but I know that if I reach out to a friend and offload and chat and smile and laugh, I feel so much better for it! Take care of yourself. xo
    Min@WriteoftheMiddle recently posted…Boost your H2O Consumption with SodaStreamMy Profile

  • Min@WriteoftheMiddle
    May 18, 2016 at 2:09 pm

    I’m so glad you reached out and opened up Sanch! I can tend to close up and withdraw too but I know that if I reach out to a friend and offload and chat and smile and laugh, I feel so much better for it! Take care of yourself. xo
    Min@WriteoftheMiddle recently posted…Boost your H2O Consumption with SodaStreamMy Profile

  • Venice
    May 18, 2016 at 7:25 pm

    I’m the same Sanch. I could relate to every word you said. I love handling issues all on my own even though it burns me skinless. It drains me of all my energy but I just can’t stop being like this. Even if I do tell a close friend about it, they just get a tip-of-the-iceberg version. I’m glad you let it out to your friends… hopefully one day, I too may have the strength to do the same. Thanks for this post, I really needed it. You take care…

  • Venice
    May 18, 2016 at 7:25 pm

    I’m the same Sanch. I could relate to every word you said. I love handling issues all on my own even though it burns me skinless. It drains me of all my energy but I just can’t stop being like this. Even if I do tell a close friend about it, they just get a tip-of-the-iceberg version. I’m glad you let it out to your friends… hopefully one day, I too may have the strength to do the same. Thanks for this post, I really needed it. You take care…

  • Rajlakshmi
    May 18, 2016 at 9:39 pm

    Glad to know you are not feeling depressed. I feel you are a very strong person and will not let it overpower you. Reaching out to my friends and family has always helped me whenever I was down. Take care Sanch.
    Rajlakshmi recently posted…Zentangle: CornucopiaMy Profile

  • Rajlakshmi
    May 18, 2016 at 9:39 pm

    Glad to know you are not feeling depressed. I feel you are a very strong person and will not let it overpower you. Reaching out to my friends and family has always helped me whenever I was down. Take care Sanch.
    Rajlakshmi recently posted…Zentangle: CornucopiaMy Profile

  • Sid
    May 18, 2016 at 10:46 pm

    I suppose the first step to ‘overcoming’ anything is to face it and secondly, realise that asking for help doesn’t make you weak in anyway. Super glad to hear that you’ve reached out. Sanch. Stay strong and remember, we’re all there; even if it’s in a little way.
    Sid recently posted…Confessions of a Hotel KleptomaniacMy Profile

  • Sid
    May 18, 2016 at 10:46 pm

    I suppose the first step to ‘overcoming’ anything is to face it and secondly, realise that asking for help doesn’t make you weak in anyway. Super glad to hear that you’ve reached out. Sanch. Stay strong and remember, we’re all there; even if it’s in a little way.
    Sid recently posted…Confessions of a Hotel KleptomaniacMy Profile

  • J.Gi Federizo
    May 19, 2016 at 12:17 am

    I reach out a lot, but there are times that I do keep things to myself. In 2013, I was utterly depressed. It really does help to have people around who will support you or bring you back to your senses.

  • J.Gi Federizo
    May 19, 2016 at 12:17 am

    I reach out a lot, but there are times that I do keep things to myself. In 2013, I was utterly depressed. It really does help to have people around who will support you or bring you back to your senses.

  • Mithila Menezes @fabulus1710
    May 19, 2016 at 1:40 am

    I guess if we just open up once, bearing everything just gets a little better. And when the friends who were distant reached out back to you, it truly means that they really care! It’s hard to find people like that, who understand depression, and are available at their friend’s beck and call.
    Glad you made the decision to reach out. It takes a lot of courage to do so! Take care ?

  • Mithila Menezes @fabulus1710
    May 19, 2016 at 1:40 am

    I guess if we just open up once, bearing everything just gets a little better. And when the friends who were distant reached out back to you, it truly means that they really care! It’s hard to find people like that, who understand depression, and are available at their friend’s beck and call.
    Glad you made the decision to reach out. It takes a lot of courage to do so! Take care ?

  • Radhika - Fulltime Nomad
    May 19, 2016 at 8:17 am

    Sanch, I am sorry to hear you’re having such a difficult time. I understand what you’re saying and sometimes I tend to go into shut-down mode myself as well. Please continue to reach out – our friends and family love us more unconditionally than we realise. I am currently in the middle of a Brene Brown book (who I know you love) so I’ll just leave you with this quote: “You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” xx
    Radhika – Fulltime Nomad recently posted…How to Prepare your Freelance Business for Location IndependenceMy Profile

  • Radhika - Fulltime Nomad
    May 19, 2016 at 8:17 am

    Sanch, I am sorry to hear you’re having such a difficult time. I understand what you’re saying and sometimes I tend to go into shut-down mode myself as well. Please continue to reach out – our friends and family love us more unconditionally than we realise. I am currently in the middle of a Brene Brown book (who I know you love) so I’ll just leave you with this quote: “You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” xx
    Radhika – Fulltime Nomad recently posted…How to Prepare your Freelance Business for Location IndependenceMy Profile

  • Vanessa
    May 19, 2016 at 11:38 am

    I get too tired to reach out. My life is such an anomaly to most people that no one knows what to do and I can’t be bothered to explain it!

  • Vanessa
    May 19, 2016 at 11:38 am

    I get too tired to reach out. My life is such an anomaly to most people that no one knows what to do and I can’t be bothered to explain it!

  • EssentiallyJess
    May 21, 2016 at 1:39 pm

    I can be a lot like this. I don’t tend to ask for help easily or a lot, but I am getting better at it. I think we were made for relationships and if we don’t have them, we miss out on a key part of our humanity. Having people and being vulnerable is so much better than having no people and being independent.

  • EssentiallyJess
    May 21, 2016 at 1:39 pm

    I can be a lot like this. I don’t tend to ask for help easily or a lot, but I am getting better at it. I think we were made for relationships and if we don’t have them, we miss out on a key part of our humanity. Having people and being vulnerable is so much better than having no people and being independent.

  • The month that was May 2016 - Living my Imperfect Life
    June 1, 2016 at 8:02 pm

    […] my mental health. I think it was because I hit a really, really low point and realised I had to reach out. I really miss my old self, the pre-depression self. I wondered about gratitude and the guilt one […]

  • The month that was May 2016 - Living my Imperfect Life
    June 1, 2016 at 8:02 pm

    […] my mental health. I think it was because I hit a really, really low point and realised I had to reach out. I really miss my old self, the pre-depression self. I wondered about gratitude and the guilt one […]

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