Like every one else on this planet, I am imperfect. I have several bad habits. I pick my skin around my nails when I’m stressed. I bite my lip when I’m nervous. I eat junk food to comfort myself sometimes. I swear when I’m angry. A lot.
But there’s one habit of mine I truly detest. It’s unfortunately something I’m experiencing even at the moment. It’s catastrophising to the point of becoming indecisive.
Now, I’m not normally an indecisive person. I made up my mind about buying my unit pretty quickly. I decided I wanted to go to Australia for further studies in a jiffy. I think on my feet regarding my clients’ issues in therapy sometimes.
Yet, there are some decisions in my life that drive me crazy.
Like at the moment, I know I am not happy in my job. I know I want out. But do you know what? I’m constantly umming and ahhing about where to next. I have been thinking about private practice. Not my own but in someone else’s as a contractor. I reckon it would be flexible enough to help me focus on writing too. But then my mind goes into meltdown about all the things that could go wrong. Then I think maybe I should go back to the health system. But I overthink and wonder if it’s back to where I used to be. Result? Indecisive. Finally, I wonder whether I should do something completely different. NGO, perhaps? But then all the other things that could go wrong bug me.
Then there’s my living situation. Regular readers will know that I’ve been contemplating since last year whether I should move away from Sydney. The traffic has been bugging me. More recently, the lack of connections has really gotten me down. Until last year I was mainly thinking about the South Coast of NSW. But lately, I have been exploring options such as the Central Coast of NSW or even the Sunshine Coast in Queensland or Cairns. Realistically, I might stick to NSW but then, my mind goes into catastrophe-mode and I think of all the things that could go wrong. And all the things I would miss. Because I still do love the area of Sydney I live in. If I worked here too, maybe I’d be okay. Of course, there’d still be the whole ‘lack-of-connections’ thing.
What all this overthinking and catastrophising does is that it makes me so very indecisive. I cannot seem to stick to one thing. One moment I might think one option is what I should go with and the very next day, I’ve changed my mind. I get it’s the fear of the unknown. But then again, I left home at 21 and moved to a brand new country where I knew no one. How in the world did I do that back then? And now, at 32, why is it so much harder to stick to something no matter how scary it might seem?
I have been trying to think rationally. Listing pros and cons of things. And yet, that fear rears its ugly head leaving me doubting everything and back to being indecisive again.
So what’s your worst habit?
And please, do you have any tips on how to decide any of my above conundrums?
I’d be eternally grateful!
Until next time,