I have lots of flaws. Flaws that could be considered quirks. Flaws that don’t affect others. Flaws that can be funny. Some things I have learnt to live with. Like my tendency to catastrophise for example. Or that I am constantly running late in the mornings. But there is one thing about myself I don’t like at all.
It’s a side of me not many people see. But unfortunately, it’s a side people I’m close to bear the brunt of.
I’ve been working now as a psychologist for almost nine years. Nine long years. And I love it most of the time. I listen to a lot of stories. Stories about stress, anxiety, depression, trauma, broken relationships, broken hearts, broken homes. While listening to all this, I’m generally almost always compassionate and empathic. Most of my clients like me and appreciate that I listen to them.
So what does this have to do with something I want to change about myself?
Well, the problem is, I give so much at work, I find when I come home, I have nothing left for people I care. I find I have trouble being empathic and trouble listening. I judge. I problem-solve. I’m harsh. Depending on how tired I am, I can also be quite critical and cruel. And then, after all that, I regret it.
Because I’m not someone who likes to hurt others, deliberately or otherwise. I value being kind and compassionate but I realise I haven’t been that way to people I love. I talked about this with my supervisor last year and she did tell me that in helping professions, we sometimes give so much at work, we end up pushing away the people we love because we have nothing more to give them emotionally. And of course, let’s not forget we have our own demons to deal with.
I understand I’m human and it can be hard to listen after spending four to six hours a day doing just that. But I do wish I could pull back on the criticism and the cruelty. Because that’s not who I want to be.
In the end, in life, it’s not my clients who are going to be there with me or for me.
It’s family and friends and loved ones.
So why then, do I push them all away?
Is there one thing you would like to change about yourself?
If you are new to Friday Reflections, here’s what it’s about. It’s the end of the week, you’re probably exhausted with work, and all you want to do is sit back, put your feet up, sip on some fancy cocktail or wine, and write away.
Write Tribe and yours truly give you writing prompts and all you have to do is choose any one of those prompts to blog about and link up every Friday. The link will be open till the Monday. After you link up, be sure to spread the love by visiting other bloggers who have linked up too.
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Prompts for this week:
1. What would you do if someone just gave you 1 million dollars?
2. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be
3. Write on any of the prompts from September that you haven’t written on before. (Check out the previous posts this month for prompts)
4. “A room without books is like a body without a soul.” – Marcus Tullius Cicero Use this in your post or as an inspiration for one
5. Picture Prompt (credit Living my Imperfect Life)
Our featured writer this week was Vanessa for her creative take on wondering if toys had feelings.
In the mean time, why don’t you write a post on one of the above prompts and link up. You could be our featured writer next week!
Until next time,