Have you found yourself yet?
For a long time, I have been sceptical about people who ‘find themselves’. I didn’t bother to read Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love because it seemed to be about a woman ‘finding herself’ in India or Thailand. On a side note, what I find amusing is how most people from the western world ‘find themselves’ in developing countries. In that case, I’ve never needed to find myself having been born there and lived there for over a decade.
I’ve never understood the need to find oneself. How do you even do it? What is it even about? Is it one of those #FirstWorldProblem things we keep jabbering on about? Do you only find yourself if you quit your job without a backup plan? Or if you travel and that too, preferably to developing countries? What if you didn’t do either? Would that mean you’d forever be lost?
I ask this seriously because through the last twelve months, I felt like I lost myself. My old self, that is. Depression made me someone I no longer recognised. And sure, I did want to go back to being that self again but honestly, after the emotional blows I endured, I don’t think I ever will go back to exactly that self. I don’t think I’ll find that self again. I’m wiser, older and more vulnerable.
On the other hand, the idea of creating myself appeals to me.
I can continue to create myself in spite of all the falls. I can learn to trust again — that’s creating myself. I can put my wellbeing first and make decisions — that’s creating myself. I can get out of my comfort zone and make a coastal change I’ve been dreaming of — that’s creating myself.
With every experience, every fall, ever high-five, I will learn something new. Something that forms a part of my personality. That leaves battle-scars and signs of hard work. Through all this, I will be creating myself. I’ll learn what annoys me, what makes me anxious, what breaks my heart and use different ways to manage these emotions. Once again, I’ll be creating myself.
Next year, I won’t be who I am now, and hopefully, the year after, I won’t be who I am tomorrow. I’ll be living, breathing and more importantly, growing. At least, that’s what I hope. And in this process of growing, I don’t think I’ll ever find myself. But I certainly will be creating myself.
Finding oneself has a finality to it. But creating oneself? That’s a lifelong journey.
Are you looking to find yourself or do you think life is about creating yourself?
If you are new to Friday Reflections, here’s what it’s about. It’s the end of the week, you’re probably exhausted with work, and all you want to do is sit back, put your feet up, sip on some fancy cocktail or wine, and write away.
Write Tribe and yours truly give you writing prompts and all you have to do is choose any one of those prompts to blog about and link up every Friday. The link will be open till the Monday. After you link up, be sure to spread the love by visiting other bloggers who have linked up too.
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Prompts for this week:
1. Write a story or poem that begins with a character throwing a coin into a fountain
2. Write about something you’ve heard or read from an authority figure/organisation that you don’t agree with. Attempt a persuasive essay to convince us of another view.
3. Phobias: Have you got any? Share one of the quirkiest
4. “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” – George Bernard Shaw. Use this quote in your post or as an inspiration
5. Picture Prompt (via http://everydaygyaan.com)
We are in the process of deciding who the featured writer for last week is. In the mean time though, if you want to be in the running to be our next featured writer, make sure you write a post on one of the prompts and link up!
Until next time,